My point is that maybe Chrome’s wife, like mine, is so focused on how she feels and HIS responsibility to fix her feelings, that she loses sight of HER responsibility for HIS feelings.
I don’t think either partner has a responsibility to fix anyone’s feelings but their own. It is manipulative to try and make another person fix your feelings. Your feelings are your own. Yes maybe it is true that someone’s actions made you feel upset but most likely unless the relationship has turned truly sour they did not intend that effect. It is important to let them know that they upset you and why, but it is also important not to sulk about it and not to try to get them to FIX it for you. If they continually do the same thing over and over that they KNOW you don’t like then yes you have a problem, but I don’t think any averagely sane person will do that to a partner. Especially a partner who is clear about what they want and who doesn’t make a big emotional drama out of something.
Feed him, admire him, make love to him.
Hah! If that was truly all it took then I would be very happily married. I have already told HP that I believe I am married to her H’s long lost twin. Believe me the only one of those three that I can be said to have fallen down on is admiring and now I come to think of it I used to do a lot of that early on only to have it knocked back the whole time. I can’t tell you how frustrating it is to sincerely compliment someone only to be told you are wrong over and over again. You’re gorgeous – no I’m not I’m ugly. You’ve done a fantastic job of that shelf/wall-papering/garden – no it’s crap I should’ve done blah blah. Having read DB I try to compliment H as much as possible but these days what used to come naturally feels false.
Efforts are made to address the hurts that girls feel. When this gets out of hand, you have the “princess” syndrome where girls feel they are entitled have their hurts soothed. As adults, if the man does not do so, the woman starts her manipulative games. Chome’s wife is doing this very thing – withdrawing, shutting down, making HIM feel guilty. My wife does the same thing too, as has every girl that I ever dated.
No effort was ever made in my house to address the hurts I felt as a little girl. My dad never once treated me like a princess. He loved me and we did stuff together but I was never his princess. H on the other hand must have been the “surrogate daughter” in his house - LOL, His emotional reactions are exactly those that most men complain of in women. Interestingly he cannot stand it when I ignore the kids’ drama queen antics when they don’t get their way.
As a result I am a very self-reliant person, I sometimes wonder if this is the problem in our R. H never gets a chance to treat me like a princess, I’m too busy fixing the house/car doing the yard work looking after the kids, cooking, cleaning, holding down a job, reacting to his manipulative mind-games and still have energy left over for sex! Meanwhile H is addicted to work/alcohol/cigarettes and has no time left over for me. Boo Hoo
Sorry feeling pitiful at the moment. Just went to get my hair coloured this morning and it came out terrible! Funnily enough I found S6 spouting the exact kind of words I say to him when he is making a big deal over something.
Here's an one liner I heard the other night by a comedienne - Jo Brand - who was at the height of her powers in the uber-feminist 80s.
Jo: I'm very happily married thank-you .... (wrily) my husband isn't
Fran
if we can be sufficient to ourselves, we need fear no entangling webs Erica Jong
Just went to get my hair coloured this morning and it came out terrible! Funnily enough I found S6 spouting the exact kind of words I say to him when he is making a big deal over something. 
