Just thought I would post that there is an article in Feb. Elle magazine written by a WAH to his ex-W about why he left her. It's a 2 pager so you could read it while in the grocery line I had no idea it was in there when I bought the mag but I think it's a must read for W's. I do not recommend leaving this one around the house for H to read or find.
Take Care, SP
According to the Buddha, praise and blame, gain and loss, pleasure and sorrow may "come and go like the wind," but happiness comes if you can "rest like a great tree in the midst of them all."
The March issue was out, but I was able to read the article at the library in the Feb. issue. My main impression was that this H is going through MLC, is trying to justify his actions, while trying to seem to be the good guy. Of course, in a new R, one will stroke your lover's arm, and want to be close all the time. I wonder how he will feel in a couple of years time, when he realises that his selfishness broke up his family, and that he doesn't feel the same about his new R, after all, and discovers his children resent him for his decision. I am not surprised that his W is angry. He was too much of a coward to approach her and discuss his concerns when he should've, detached himself emotionally from the M and probably from his children apparently without talking to anyone (except the once - sounds like my H), justified his actions by thinking that it was the only way to find happiness, and then has the gall to hope that she will get over her anger, and then writing a public letter to show the world what a "good guy" he is, and that he didn't "mean to hurt anyone". My wish for this W, is that she does get over it, forgive the coward, and move on with her life. He is not worth the bother or emotion of anger. It would be nice if Elle magazine posted a reply from the W.
At church on Sunday, the talks were on happiness. Nowadays, it seems as if happiness goes hand in hand with pleasing oneself. It seems that happiness as a goal is more linked to momentary pleasure than true joy. One thing this WAH said was probably true - that he will never truly be happy until his W was. An interesting article and it did give me some insight into the mindset of a WAH.
I notice how many of these WAS's try to justify their actions by seeming logic - i.e. "I need to explore other avenues to find happiness, with OM/OW". Funny, they always have to have someone else in their lives to find "happiness". I would not like to depend on someone for my happiness - huge job for them, and not fair, I don't think, and a pretty dependent kind of happiness.
Anyway, that's my thoughts on the subject. Thanks for pointing out this article to us. It certainly was food for thought.
Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed. D35,S/D twins28,D22 EA4/04 End? Who knows? "Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim
Hi Being Me - I'm glad you were able to find the article. I read it one last time before dumping it in my Dr's office so I didn't have to see it anymore
Maybe there will be a response from the LBS in the Letters to the Editor section? I would like to see her take on this as well.
One point that really, really irritated me was how he said something like "I never told you what was the matter...etc...You should have known" or some such BS. Sounds like a lot of us here with the H dropping a bomb and we were supposed to know he was having issues with us (R/M) and never telling us! The OW portion also sounded very typical of the mlc-er on our boards too.
Anyone else read it?
According to the Buddha, praise and blame, gain and loss, pleasure and sorrow may "come and go like the wind," but happiness comes if you can "rest like a great tree in the midst of them all."
Haven't seen the article but would share that the prisons are full of people who spend most days explaining to each other why the did what they did, or had to. They easily rationalize every action that ruined their life.
I had no idea it was in there when I bought the mag but I think it's a must read for W's. I do not recommend leaving this one around the house for H to read or find.