Glad to hear things are progressing and that the FOO is helping to resolve issues. I still believe FOO is the MOST important thing to be address in relationship counseling, but sometimes it may be so painful that leaving it buried may be the better approach. I don’t know. I came to realize that some on this board have a much more painful past that I do. Addressing my FOO was important to me, but it was not so painful I wanted to avoid it.
For your H, I wonder if he is thinking whether talking to his father will change things, possibly even change his father. He should not hold those expectations. Confronting his father is about liberating himself and should not have anything to do with changing his father. Now, if his father is open minded enough to hear his own faults and at least acknowledge them, then some great satisfaction and peace could come to your H. But the more dysfunctional his father is, the less likely he will be willing to listen.
My mother is like this. I have been able to get her to listen to some of her dysfunction but she is absolutely opposed to acknowledging her faults, changing herself or seeing a counselor to resolve her anger. My father is willing to listen, but change is another matter. He is now becoming a little more open to this (having thought counseling was a bunch of voodoo), and I think will be forced to open up more as problems with my two brothers become more serious. But regardless of my parents’ efforts, I am more aware of my issues and how I relate to my wife, which is the bottom line anyway. Don’t know if this really answered your question though.
