I'm so glad to see you on here, and even more happy that your H is seeing a C to address his issues now
Cobra is so very spot on about the past issues affecting today. This is what I'm battling with when it comes to my H as well, but he's working on it. The two major R's that affected my H adversely involved women that came from rich families. I've known people with money who have been real jerks....but I've known people with more money than I could ever spend in my lifetime who were genuinely nice, giving, caring people too. My H....looks down on anyone who is wealthy financially....he cannot bring himself to say anything nice about them at all....and judges people who do have money without even knowing them.
This popped up just this past weekend. We were watching "Antiques Roadshow" and there was a woman on it who looked like she had money (she might not have), she kind of had a snooty southern way of talking as well (could have just been her style). My H automatically assumed she had money and started really bashing her. I just looked at him until he went "what?" Then I simply said...."do you realize that you tend to look down on people with money? I've never heard you say once nice word about a rich person. Do you look down on them for some reason?" He thought about it for a moment and said "yes, I do." We talked a bit about his past R's and their families and I told him that it's not fair to judge EVERYONE on a couple of instances in your life. That would be like me judging ALL men based on my 1st H....who was abusive. Would that be fair to the guys I met after him? No, of course not.
We're going to be discussing some of this stuff in our MC session today.
