Hi guys... I haven't posted in awhile-- I've been taking a bit of a mental health break from my marriage work, but I continue to follow along here. An interesting thing has happened as I have stepped back---my H suddenly has been faced with some FOO stuff, stuff that has always been there but ignored by him...and he is struggling. The good news is that I have been the recipient of some positive changes within him, but I am well aware it's a rocky road he is walking on now. I am just happy he is on the path.
Recently H has awakened to his father's hurtful behavior towards him. The lack of support, disinterest, self absorption, etc. has always been there, but recently he has demonstrated a sort of " failure wish" for my H in such an obvious way that even H can't deny it. H has been in a sorry state; I suggested he get into therapy, and he has done just that ( with the MC we used to go to).
I have to say, Cobra, you are right, FOO issues/past relationships really do play such a big role in the present; in this short time H has discovered that some of the resentment and anger he has towards his H comes out to me in a passive, withholding way.
Guys, I am very excited by all this. H has been much more consistent in his loving. He still has to push through his feelings to connect with me, but he's doing it! I believe the connection with the therapist, a male, is a good one.
Next week we are ( coincidentally) visiting H's parents; the therapist is encouraging H to confront his father if issues come up, but my H is telling me it's pointless. Chrome, I remember you once had a thread about this ( to confront or not to confront)...if you get a chance I'd like to hear what you( and others)think.
