Okay, so I had almost finished writing a post that was not only brilliant, enlightening and witty, but answered all our questions. Of course it was sucked into cyber space never to be seen again. Too bad my memory is so bad these days that I can't remember a word I wrote!
Underdog-
Quote: I don't think throwing solutions at you is appealing for you
You're right - I would probably just find excuses why none of your suggestions would work. I'm good at that - hey I've found a talent of mine!
So how is this for a list?
1) Call my C (who I haven't seen since Dec) and see what she is up to. She once asked if I could co-facilitate a group for middle-aged women (hey, middle-aged? I'm only 39!) on depression and anxiety.
2) Contact Community Services to volunteer - even if it is just in an office somewhere.
I do have many restrictions that I have put on myself though (see, I'm already finding excuses). A friend told me I was unemployable because of these things! The most important thing is that I get my kids off to school in the morning and pick them up (we have no bus system here). We spend time together after school talking about the latest crisis (there is ALWAYS a crisis of some kind - especially with the girls!). I also often have my kids' friends wanting to talk to me about what is going on with them. It is not unusual to find extra kids in the house.
I also don't want to be tied up on weekends because that is the only time my H is home. My S15 also works a couple afternoons a week and both him and D13 are in Sea Cadets twice a week. On the days they go to that, my D11 like to go to Grandma & Granpa's to watch "their" shows together. None of those things are things I am willing to give up. I am so lucky to be able to do these things with them and be there and they mean alot to me.
Quote: Hey, I'm getting my hair done today as well! I bet I need my beautification more than you do...
Ha! I doubt that, but I have to admit that I look fabulous! Too bad my H won't be home for another 10 days.
Always - I intend to get over to your thread when I have the chance to read your history a bit. It sounds like you've been at this awhile.
Quote: what can you do that's different to unstick the R?
Hmmm....good question. I think that my H runs like the dickens when ever he sees that "let's talk" look in my eyes. But he does have good reason. I seem to want to talk when I feel very emotional (meaning bawling my eyes out) - usually PMS time - so our talks have not been all that productive as he will just shut down, leave or tell me something I don't want to hear (I think because he feels cornered and strikes back).
I think that the real key for us will be for me to work on myself and make some real, lasting changes. My attitude has improved greatly and I am taking care of myself better (ie hair, clothes, makeup), but my weight is still an issue for me and finding a purpose outside my role and wife and mother (whether it be work or play) are at the top of my list. Like you said a while back, Underdog, my weight is a reflection of how I feel about myself. Once I feel better about myself, for myself, I think I will not struggle as much with the weight.
Yes, my H has a problem with my weight. But I too can see it through his eyes. I was slim when we married and lost my pregnancy weight after my first two kids. It was then I started my stuggle with depression and anxiety and my weight went down to 95lbs. Within the first three months of being pregnant with my third, I gained 50 lbs and have kept it on (and then some) for the last 11 years. Shallow or not, I am not physically the woman he married and I can understand his disappointment.
So, today (if I ever get away from this computer) I am going to enjoy the beautiful sun (it is sometimes rare here outside of Vancouver, BC). I am going to contact my C and send a "breathe" email to my H (he is having a very stressful time at work right now). I may have a nap in the sun with my cat. When I go out to do some banking for the business, I am going to get a Tim Hortons coffee and sit in the park across my kids' school and wait for them to finish. No housework today (actually I have laundry to do) and minimal office work (of course I say that while looking at the piles of paper on my desk!). And I am NOT going to feel guilty about any of it!
