My 2 cents. Sometimes we get stuck in the "limbo" phase of not pushing, no R talk, no pressure and forget there's a next step. The intention of this phase is to stabilize a volatile situation, in my mind. Once things are stabilized, I think there can be a gentle, non-threatening, respectful push for R talk.
I did the same thing recently, it actually came up. Turns out, my H who was once so aversed to R talk was dying to talk but afraid of my anger, etc. I wasn't angry. So, we were walking around in circles and felt much better after talking, it opened things up. A LOT.
Trust that surely this isn't the R they want either, and sticking in it for the kids or the bills isn't satisfying for anyone after a long time.
Take the risk, gently, so you can see what road to go down. Be sure to make it a VERY safe to talk. If you sense resistence, back off. It's like DB, you've been doing the same thing with no progress....yes, it got you out of crisis...but now time for something else. Seems that both of your sitch's are calm enough with lots of good vibes and respect....a talk will be fine.
