I know what you mean about men not wanting to confront emotional issues. My H has never been good with that - so why should I expect anything now?
I think what is really bothering me is that he is showing with his actions that he wants to be here, but has said nothing about recommiting to our marriage. In the note he wrote with the flowers he sent today he uses his pet name for me and signes it "Love H". He hasn't signed "Love" to anything for a year - do I take this as a sign of commitment or an act of friendship?
As for "optimizing" myself, I have done alot of the things you have mentioned. I got a new hairstyle, dress better, go to the gym (although losing weight has been almost impossible - thyroid issues) and have found some new hobbies - pole dancing and pottery. Funny combination I know, but I'm just trying things out. I am actually getting bored of both of these, so it may be time for something else.
Maybe it is my patience wearing thin. I think that now I have made these changes to my life, I am starting to see what I need to be happy. I am focusing on the fact that I am not getting loving intimacy that I want. But asking for what I want doesn't feel like an option right now.
