I have been here for several months now and although I have seen great progress from a year ago, I am now stuck. Quick recap:
Me 39 H 45 Kids 15,13,11 Married almost 18 years Bomb dropped March 05 on our anniversary
H never left home although he does work in another city 4 days a week and is home the other 3. He has an apartment in the other city. This is nothing new - he has worked away for 11 years but it has only been in the last 3 years that he has had an apartment. It has been different cities every 6-12 months.
I have suffered from depression/anxiety since my second child was born. I was never able to find proper help until a year ago and found a therapist and shrink who have helped me alot. My medication is finally right and I no longer feel the need to see the therapist.
Situation is this: H comes home every weekend (which is more than he used to), spends time with me and the kids as a family. He shares our bed, but in recent weeks, all intimacy has stopped. He does have a medical problem concerning this, and says that that is the reason, but does not want to talk about it or return to the doctor (for the third time). The tension between us has virtually disappeared and we are good friends and business partners - always have been. As far as I know, there is no OW , but he did tell me a year ago that he would be looking. He also said he would tell me if he did meet someone. THere are no unexplained charges on credit cards, money missing - I take care of all our finances. He doesn't wear his wedding ring - took it off a year ago and there are no ILYs. I get gifts from him on special occasions (including flowers today) but they are always signed from him and the kids.
Nothing has changed financially. He still puts money in my retirement savings and all our assets are joint. We have been talking about long term investments through our company. He wants to buy me a new vehicle as mine is getting near the end of it's life. He's talked about how we are a family of 5 and need a seven seater in order to carry around my aging parents with us.
So,what is my question for the wise people here? Is he wanting to reconcile? He has not said he wants to work on us - he doesn't talk about "us" at all - and hasn't for a year. I have been very careful about not starting that conversation although I had a slip up last August and there is no way I am going back there again. I am just so confused. I act "as if" we are together and there is nothing wrong between us, but I know there is. I guess I feel like we've hit a plateau and things need to move in one direction or the other. But I am terrifed to start the conversation.
I sense that he is staying with me for the kids and the family. Family means the world to him. It is me he doesn't love (as a wife). I'm trying to look at this in a positive way in that the longer he is here and the happier he is at home, the more chance there is that he will look at me in a different light.
Is there a point when the silence on his part becomes an avoidence tactic? Do I push the issue and hear what I don't want to hear in order to bring things out in to the open. Or do I assume that he is still unsure and continue to back off while showing him I love him through my actions?
