Thank you for putting things into perspective from your point of view. To a very large extent I agree with your assessment.
Quote: Ahem.. And that being said after stating that ROB is concentrating on negatives, overlooking the positives and creating a self-fulfilling prophecy.. EIther I don't get something, or GH just recently said that a) his W clearly said that she went on the trip with him because she wanted to be with him (as if it's not obvious by itself) b) she doesn't care much about OM's feelings c) that she is not going to move out (read: not considering separation) d) is comfortable around him.
I mean, duh! Of course you can infer all kinds of things from it, that she's just using you to take her on a trip, that she is lying to you about OM (by the way he must be really happy about her going away with you, otherwise he is miserable but again not that it stopped her..), and that she already filed . Did you mention self-fulfilling prophecy? I wonder what it might be..
Okay, I know this was directed to a large extent to GH, but it is also applicable in my sitch. Again, there are many positives that I have begun to identify in my stich and those are what I am trying to focus on. But human nature being what it is, its very hard not to dwell on the negatives, especially since the negative in this sitch is something quite large. That being said, I really believe the key to all of this is truly focusing on positives if you can.
Switiching gears, I just wanted to respond to something that GH had said in his post about things going normally in his R and his apprehension about that. I agree. I see a lot of that happening in my R as well....we seem to be falling back into many of the same patterns and frankly, I don't want the same old patterns becuase those are the ones that obviously led us to where we are today. But, and I think you hit on this GH, I believe that the changes we make within ourselves will ultimately lead to positive changes in the R....how could they not? This seems to be the main principle of DB.
Quote: Rob (and GH), another thing is about your W having to break it with OM in order to start working on your M. While on the one hand it's reasonable, on the other, the reason why they still keep contact with them is probably the effect of forbidden fruit. They know it's nesessary, they feel pressure and guilt, which make them resist and cling to the A. I think. The trick is not to tell them to give up the A< but to make them want to do so. Otherwise even if it happens, it might look and feel as if they were forced to do so, which implies that it was against their will, and they gave up something valuable as asacrifice. See where I'm leading? It's not likely that by pressuting them you'll get the result that you want: their determination to work on M. So don't pressure. Instead, make her fear losing YOU. Make her fear that she took a great guy for granted and might lose him, since he doesn't pay that much attention anymore to whatever she's doing.. See where I'm going?
yeah FD, I'm definitely picking up what you're putting down and I couldn't agree more. This is always a conflict within me....I want to force an end to everything becuase it serves my short-terms interests, but I know undoubtedly that me forcing an end to anything is NOT the way it works. Even if she were to end it because I wanted her to, doesn't mean she wouldn't have unresolved feelings. And you are correct, the "thrill" of the A lies in it being taboo....by forcing her to a decision, the A becomes romanticized, forbidden fruit, etc. etc. A difficult balance, truly.
"Achieve success, but without vanity; Achieve success, but without aggression; Achieve success, but without gain; Achieve success, but without force." Lao Tzu
