Well, if you ask me guys, you definitely were separated at birth; the other option is that you suffer from multiple personality disorder being one and the same person!
I mean, just look at you two:
Quote: that it's because I am not totally convinced (or really even a little bit) that she's not just figuring out how to "play" me better so she can just go on with the cake/eating it too
Ahem.. And that being said after stating that ROB is concentrating on negatives, overlooking the positives and creating a self-fulfilling prophecy.. EIther I don't get something, or GH just recently said that a) his W clearly said that she went on the trip with him because she wanted to be with him (as if it's not obvious by itself) b) she doesn't care much about OM's feelings c) that she is not going to move out (read: not considering separation) d) is comfortable around him.
I mean, duh! Of course you can infer all kinds of things from it, that she's just using you to take her on a trip, that she is lying to you about OM (by the way he must be really happy about her going away with you, otherwise he is miserable but again not that it stopped her..), and that she already filed . Did you mention self-fulfilling prophecy? I wonder what it might be..
Quote: It's so hard because reacting at all is something we try to resist in detaching, etc. It's hard to know when to stop that and start being a real, feeling human again.
Ooh.. DO you imply that right now, not going berserk, losing it, picking fights and snapping at her you ARE NOT being a normal feeling human being? Or, is becoming a better person and feeling human being means that you feel a lot of emotions some of which of course are let's just say NOT pleasant, but at the same time you choose whether to react or not, not your emotions? In the same way that you're doing now? And it only feels unnatural because it's still uncharacteristic of you, since you used to dwell on things, never let go, control everything; which by the way was what led you to the place you are now? WHat do you think?
Rob (and GH), another thing is about your W having to break it with OM in order to start working on your M. While on the one hand it's reasonable, on the other, the reason why they still keep contact with them is probably the effect of forbidden fruit. They know it's nesessary, they feel pressure and guilt, which make them resist and cling to the A. I think. The trick is not to tell them to give up the A< but to make them want to do so. Otherwise even if it happens, it might look and feel as if they were forced to do so, which implies that it was against their will, and they gave up something valuable as asacrifice. See where I'm leading? It's not likely that by pressuting them you'll get the result that you want: their determination to work on M. So don't pressure. Instead, make her fear losing YOU. Make her fear that she took a great guy for granted and might lose him, since he doesn't pay that much attention anymore to whatever she's doing.. See where I'm going?
To get through the darkest period of the night, act as if it is already morning.
The Talmud
