Need to find my center!!!

[PArob]

Ask and ye shall receive. Thank you Jabez and GH for inquiring. Relatively speaking, things have been going fairly well in my sitch. Obviously, they are not 100% okay, but I see so many positives in my W's behavior these days. I honestly don't believe that she is over the OM and for all I know, they still talk, etc. But, her actions have been positive over the past few weeks.

Over the course of the past few weeks, one of the few things that really bothered me is that my W was so quick to assure me that she loved me, that I was her life and that she didn't want to lose me. She continuely assured me that she was committed to working on our M and that she had told the OM this. But, on the other hand, she was still contacting the OM by phone on nearly a daily basis, spending anywhere from 20 to 30 minutes a day talking to him. Despite knowign this, I tried my best to make the best of it and we have started to connect on some levels again. I see more of my old W now than I have in the past six months. As an example, she has made it a point to spend time with me in the evenings before work, just hanging out and wathcing a show. Prior to this, she had used this time to sleep. On the weekends, we have been planning activities with the girls on Saturdays and on Sundays, we have designated that as our relaxation day. I usually start her day with a back rub or foot rub and we just kinda hang loose all day spending time together.

Last week, I finnaly confronted her about talking on the phone with OM. I knew she was doing this because she had a phone card. I told her, in no uncertain terms, that contacting him in this way was seriously undermining our chances of reconciliation and that it hurt me that she had to continue to do so. She explained to me, again, that she had told him that she was working on our M, that she only talked to him as a friend, and that she had distanced herself "a lot" from him (I assume this means that she doesn't meet him in the mornings anymore and such). She told me that she needed to work this out in her own way.

Long story short, I finally snapped last week and told her that it was ridiculous, etc, etc. I had asked that she at least stop calling him every day (I know, not very DB, sorry) and so forth. She recognized what she was doing was wrong and agreed that she wouldn't call him.

Okay, now, I don't believe for a second that she will stop and this bothered me. I played along and tried to make the best of the situation, all the while wondering whether I could take it anymore. Meanwhile, recognize, there were still many positives in her behavior. Problem was, I was focusing on the negatives.

So, yesterday, I sat down with my little journal and started to go over some things......I reviewed my goals from two months ago and took a look a how far things have come. it occured to me at that moment that I had overlooked so many positives that if I didn't take steps to temper my behavior, i was going to throw the whole M right out the window.

As an example, one of my goals was that the W would want to spend more time with me. In January, she wasn't spending any quality time with me, was always looking to get "out" and so forth and so on. Since then, like I said, we spend a good deal of time together and she has mentioned doing some things we haven't done in some time.

In short, W seems more upbeat, we've shared more laughs and she has taken to calling me now and again just to "check in". She seems genuinely willing to work on us.

Since I have recongized this, i have re-evaulated my goals and have recognized that I need to be more positive with her and accentuate the good things she does...this morning, as an example, when she called on my way to work just to check-in, i told her that I appreciated the call and that I really liked it when she did it. Will it make a difference? Who knows, but at least she knows I appreciate the little things.

This weekend, I took the iniative in planning an overnight outing for her and I in Philadelphia....go see a concert and stay overnight. She is really excited by this and so am I.

This probably seems like a rambling post, and it is. I haven't had much time to sort through some of these things, but I just "feel" more positive. I response, I have become more upbeat with her, have made sure that she knows that I appreciate little things and have taken the initiative to move closer to her. All in all, it seems to be working for the time being, but only time will tell. I'm sure there will be bad days, but I think that we are starting to see the good days outweigh those.

Again, thanks for inquiring. Once my thoughts are back in order I will try to pin some of these issues down for everyone!