Many, many thanks for your post! I have already printed out three of yours today and this one will definitely be my fourth. Your advice comes at a most opportune time.
"Achieve success, but without vanity; Achieve success, but without aggression; Achieve success, but without gain; Achieve success, but without force." Lao Tzu
LOL, thanks Tim for checking in. I must have got smacked because things are going pretty well right now. I have my goals written down, I've centered and I'm finding my way to give space. A huge leap for me, W asked if there was something on my mind, something I wanted to say, etc...I told her no, not at all. I was in a happy mood, got lots of hugs and kisses from my D's and I'm still smiling! Made some minor 180's in the way I went about the night and I think I will actually enjoy watching a little tv tonight.
W's moods and emotions are for her...not me. I will be supportive when I need to be and validate, but not be dependent.
How's things your way Tim ol' boy?
"Achieve success, but without vanity; Achieve success, but without aggression; Achieve success, but without gain; Achieve success, but without force." Lao Tzu
Great job Rob. Keep it up. In good times, and in bad you know you can always count on...er...oops...singing again. You done good. Lets all keep it up for the rest of the night...we'll see, eh?
Looking forward to it....Thanks to all who were there for me today, GH, Tim, NYS and OT (and anyone else I missed). I think I at least found the path, now to stay on it! We'll see where it goes.
Its been a real help to write my goals down and also the "probation" technique suggested by OT also has been a help. I've given myself a month to sit back, roll with the punches and re-evaluate at that time.
"Achieve success, but without vanity; Achieve success, but without aggression; Achieve success, but without gain; Achieve success, but without force." Lao Tzu
The probation thing, which I have used without really realizing it, is a great way for you to be less hard on yourself for being a "doormat". Not that you, or I are one, but you feel like one when you look at an uncertain future and think "and I just lay here and take this?". When there is some time limit set, even if it is a soft line in your head, it helps you realize that you will NOT do this forever and there will be a time to evaluate where things are and maybe change your course. Keep up the strength.
Yeah, I can really see the value in it, as long as I keep with my goals, which I intend to do at all costs, I should be good to go.
Believe me, I have felt used like a doormat, but then again I keep telling myself that I am a person who values committment to family and, as a result, I am a good person (okay, some esteem building there, but there are so many people who would just give up in our sitches...it really says a lot about us).
"Achieve success, but without vanity; Achieve success, but without aggression; Achieve success, but without gain; Achieve success, but without force." Lao Tzu
Hi Rob I am glad you did so well tonite! Rough start but a smooth finish! I survived, and I personally feel good about it. She maybe out on her "Study Group" tonite, but what can I do! It was emmotionally draining near the end but I believe my mental awareness and preparation helped today along with you and everyone else here posting! Thanx Rob
Tim
my story http://www.divorcebusting.com/ubbthreads/showflat.php?Cat=&Number=1049617&page=&view=&sb=5&o=&fpart=1&vc=1
Anytime Tim. We are all here for each other....goodness knows I've been extra needy in the past few weeks. I have to admit, I have a pretty positive attitude right now and I keep telling myself to keep it up. My goal tonight: A good night's sleep!
Stay good Tim, and thank you! Keep us updated.
"Achieve success, but without vanity; Achieve success, but without aggression; Achieve success, but without gain; Achieve success, but without force." Lao Tzu
Okay, so last night went very well. I am proud of myself for sticking to my goals and for actually getting a good nights sleep. Very funny how just a small shift in my mood can bring out so much in my W. She must have asked me several times whether I was ok. Well sure I was, I was having a good time playing with the girls and being in a good mood! A couple of times I had to stop the thought process, but all in all, I'm not complaining. Lets see where we go from here!
Thanks again to everyone who helped me pick up the pieces from yesterday. I don't think I could have done it without you all!
"Achieve success, but without vanity; Achieve success, but without aggression; Achieve success, but without gain; Achieve success, but without force." Lao Tzu
