Its been a long hard two weeks where I've done just about everything wrong and nothing right in my sitch. I'm posting this experience so hopefully others will not follow my example!!!
It all started last week or the week before when I came across something rather innocently. It was a letter from OM to my W expressing undying love (ouch). From there, my snooping ways got the best of me and it started to become an obsession to "find out the truth". So here I am, a couple of weeks later and have I found out anything? No, not really, a couple of things that bother me, but in the grand scheme of things, don't mean squat. Has it negatively affected any progress that I might have been making? absolutely. I believe that I had a fighting chance to begin with, but now with the events of the past few weeks, I've set myself way back.
My only hope at this point is to do a 180 on my current path and get back to where I belong. I feel horrible about everything and in the process, I've just made things worse. But, I am the only one who can make things better. As a result, I want to post some goals here that I can achieve if not immediately, then by the end of the day.
1. I WILL NOT SNOOP!
2. When I have the urge to find out anything, I will refer to goal no. 1.
3. I will make every effort today to remind myself that I cannot control anything that W does.
4. I will focus on putting myself in a good mood for my own sake and for the sake of others.
5. I will not let my emotional state mirror hers.
Okay, it sounds like a lofty set of goals for one day, but I believe that if I can implement them for at least today, then I can refer back to them tomorrow and try to keep them going for another day. Its one day at a time and I must take control of myself for my own emotional well-being.
"Achieve success, but without vanity; Achieve success, but without aggression; Achieve success, but without gain; Achieve success, but without force." Lao Tzu
