Quote: I think to a large extent, my problem is that I like to talk on and on and will kill conversations. When I am direct, I get my point across and then move on with the day. Maybe I just need to learn when to end the conversation gracefully.
I will just skip to this. This is me to a T. Well, it USED to be me. Now I am a commando conversationalist. I try to identify my objective, prepare the words, and ONLY the words I need to get the job done, and then speak. When I am done, I am done. I really try to STOP my inherent desire to talk everything to death. It has been a large change in me, and one my W appreciates.
Oh, and as for the bear thing, once again, I point out that she has now told me twice that it is from her childhood. If I bring it up at all, I will first have to accuse her of lying. Not really good right now since I could accuse her of lying about so many other more significant things. Best to stay quiet right now like my C advised. There will be a time and place.
To be clear, GH, I was only using the bear as an example...and wouldn't advise you to bring it up now. I think this approach is useful, but I don't think you want to go into a convo with the opening statement that she's lying!
Hey, I get paid to "talk" and cross-examine for a living...so imagine how hard it is for me to be that direct and move on. lol
"Achieve success, but without vanity; Achieve success, but without aggression; Achieve success, but without gain; Achieve success, but without force." Lao Tzu
Well, here's another thing I am thinking and that probably applies to many situations. As important as it is to be direct with things, I also think it's important to do it in context. What I mean by that is for me to bring up the bear now is totally out of context from when I first started thinking about it, or first noticed it. The time to have been direct was when I first noticed it, and SHE knew I noticed it, not now. For me, I have a terrible problem with obsessing about things and so I think it's important that I learn to say what I feel/think IN THE MOMENT and not wait until three days later when it becomes painfully obvious to my W that I have been stewing all that time. I have always done that and I think it sends a terrible message and more than that, is unhealthy. From now on I am going to try to be honest with myself AND her. When something bothers me I am either going to be direct and say so, or forget about it. This thing I have always done no longer serves me. Thank you OT and the gang for helping with this. The bear lives to see at least one more day...just because I'm not talking to her about it doesn't mean something bad won't happen to it...lol.
