"Achieve success, but without vanity; Achieve success, but without aggression; Achieve success, but without gain; Achieve success, but without force." Lao Tzu
Tags DON'T lie...wow the tangled webs we weave...well I guess she has to convince herself thus why the mistruth I suppose. How about duct taping it back together? Duct tape is the cureall for everything you know? Don't suppose you have a rottweiler in the house...it can play with the bear a bit? Again, my lips are sealed. However, as NYS can tell you I am QUITE protective over my penguin. However, it is NOW time for me to let go of the penguin. He served his purpose the past few months. I really no longer snuggle with him anyway. It would be final closure for me I've just gotten so used to having it in bed with me and what with no BF pillow around...we'll a girl's gotta do what she's gotta do to sleep through the night...
Now here's a thought you can just ship me the bear, I'll ship you the penguin, complete with the fragrance of Wall Street.
Honey, I want to share a fear I have with you. I saw a tag on the bear that looks like it has a date from 2005 on it. So, I've become afraid that the bear is a gift from OM and I feel hurt when I think about something of his being in our bed. It would help me a lot if you could tell me that you understand my hurt and we could work past it together about this bear thing.
Ok. Point taken. Be direct huh? If that is the other option, then I choose to remain silent so my words cannot be used against me. Seriously, I don't really want to know. Sure, I have fun with it, and it also bothers me, but what will asking her/me knowing do for me? Make me more jealous? Probably. Make me seem totally unable to do anything but look for evidence he's still around? Probably. You get my point. How 'bout this. If I decide to ever bring it up with her, I will do it in a direct, honest manner, expressing how I feel and not accusing her of anything. Would that work?
Oh, I don't know. It might raise the standard of honest communication in your R a wee bit and perhaps built a smidge of emotional intimacy and trust.
"I'm going to take a real emotional risk here and be honest about something that is bothering me. Please be gentle, this is hard for me."
Of course, the clenched teeth approach while obsessing over what the truth is can also lead to emotional ties. The kind of nasty enmeshment that comes when your resentment leaks out in those clever passive aggressive ways.
Yes, taking no prisonners today. Sorry. I'm very angry about a benefits issue at work and it is eating up my patience.
Also, note how that direct thing works for me in this case.
Ok, you are winning me over with the direct approach. I guess the only hesitation is that I will be calling her on a lie. Is that wise right now? I mean hell, I could be direct about a lot of things but I am not sure it will help me right now or advance me towards my goals. I suppose I could just go back to what I said (and really what I think you said) that either shut up about it (maybe the best option) or be direct but DO NOT beat around the bush, insinuate, prod, snoop, etc.
Okay, here's my thoughst and I expect a total smackdown if I'm wrong here *looks nervously around for OT*
Quote: I suppose I could just go back to what I said (and really what I think you said) that either shut up about it (maybe the best option) or be direct but DO NOT beat around the bush, insinuate, prod, snoop, etc.
This is what I think was being said. If you have something to say, then say it directly and honestly....don't insinuate, don't browbeat. However, if you can't do that, or rather not for whatever reasons, then shut up and eat it.
Take for example your sitch GH....you know the whole bear things is teeing you off. Now, could say to your W, "Hon, I understandt that you feel a closeness to that bear and that it is comforting to you. To be honest though, I feel that the bear is a symbol of your relationship with OM and by holding onto it, I feel betrayed and hurt." Or something along those lines (you can see I don't script very well). Now, after saying these things, if she has no will to carry forward the conversation, then so be it. You've made your point directly, now move on. If she should desire to continue on with the convo, then it would be appropriate to tell her why/how it makes you feel. On the other hand, you can harbor resentment for the bear and give you kids the glue and scissors
I think to a large extent, my problem is that I like to talk on and on and will kill conversations. When I am direct, I get my point across and then move on with the day. Maybe I just need to learn when to end the conversation gracefully.
"Achieve success, but without vanity; Achieve success, but without aggression; Achieve success, but without gain; Achieve success, but without force." Lao Tzu
