just a quick hello before I force myself to study for the exam which I really should be doing right now.
I missed you all. Later I'll catch up on your threads; hope you're doing okay.
As to me, I had a really great time in SF, it really was a life-changing experience; however upon returning I found out from my mother in law that my H told her a week ago that he made the decision to D me, and went with the OW to a resort.
That said, I guess I'm in a serious need of support.
Hope your situations are turing to the better.
Dragon.
To get through the darkest period of the night, act as if it is already morning.
The Talmud
It looks like my thread is the meeting place tonight! Party at GH's!!!! Carry on y'all. I will update later or tomorrow morning. Please, hijack my thread whenever you want. Mine is yours!!!
I had a C session last night and it was rather uneventful. It was good, but I have not seen her in 2 weeks so most of the session was spent playing catch up, mostly me talking. One thing that struck me, and I still don't really know why, is after going over Valentines day and some of the warming up that my W has been doing lately, the C asked me "So, is she seeing the OM less?" It took me by surprise because most people would ask if she stopped seeing the OM. For some reason, it was a tremendous comfort to me that she asked the question that way, as if that was the appropriate step, not necessarily that she quit him altogether. The other highlights were that she told me to go into the Ireland trip with no expectations BUT that I should BE romantic if the feeling hit me and see where it leads. She considers the trip a huge plus and an opportunity for me to show my W that I can let go and just have a good time with her, something I have really had a tough time doing in the past. She also tried to get me to understand that where my W is right now is probably really confusing and hard. Also that the signs of him around the house like the music, teddy bear and t-shirts are possible signs that she's missing him and still clinging to him but not still with him. She told me to try to pay no attention to those things and keep working on myself.
-an aside- That little bear may be the death of me. She had it in bed last night and S5 was sick so she got up to get some medicine. I picked the bear up and smelled it. It has a definite smell of perfume or cologne. I asked her what it smelled like and she just said she doesn't know, whatever it smelled like when she got it from the storage box it was in. Just one more thing that COULD be true, but I seriously doubt. Even though I was *this* close to confronting her about the bear, music and shirts, I listened to you all and my C speaking in my head and just let it drop. I played it out in my head and realized that NOTHING good could come of me asking about those things. She would either lie or tell me things I would not want to hear (or tell the truth and I would not know the difference).
So, the C session ended on a positive. We talked about my W's change in night clothes (which is back to the usual PJ bottoms ) and how positive she thought that was. We also talked about my need to learn how to transition this friendship we are building into something with romance and sexuality. More reading... All in all, a good day. No news from the home front. W and both kids are sick so not much going on. Today is my W's DUI court date. She doesn't have to go but she's stressed about what will happen. Will update that later.
GH…seems like the C agreed with all the thoughts we have given you the past couple of days. Save yourself the money next time and take us all for lunch in Vegas!!
Back to your C, I forgot is she Solution Based as suggested in DB/DR? Just wondering because I had both a regular C and then I worked with Chuck at DB. I found that I received more assistance in working with Chuck. I left our conversations with an actual purpose. I actually had goals to work on and would report back in 2wks as I noted things down in my journal. Do you also receive goals, things to say/do? If so, would love to hear what your C has suggested. Especially since she has suggested to be romantic on the trip if you feel it. In what ways did she suggest, because there is a thin line there at this time in your R?
Interesting that you noted that W was back to her pjs and simultaneously had the stuffed bear in bed with ya’ll. While you did handle it as a gentleman, just and fyi, you did mention the bear to her, you should have just let it go completely. Hmmm…maybe you should spray your cologne all over it and mark your territory…JUST KIDDING (that’s the sass in me coming out, forgive me).
Good luck with court today. Wish you both the best. This may be a difficult time for her today. Be prepared.
Lisa...I heard all of that, but when I got to the spraying my cologne on the bear, all thoughts left my head...that is a GREAT idea! "Honey, I hope you don't mind. I thought your bear smelled a little musty after being put away for all those years so I sprayed it with my cologne since I know how much you like that scent..." Damn that's good...I may have to take lunch early...
As for my C being solution based, no, she isn't but a lot of what she focuses on comes out that way. The biggest thing is she is covered by my insurance. I could never afford to do it otherwise. Unless Chuck is covered by my insurance, I will have to stick with my C and you all.
Hmmm…have you researched if there is any Solution Based Therapist’s in your area that would be covered? It certainly couldn’t hurt to call DB up in Colorado and see if they have suggestions. I think there are even listings of where to find a SBT across the US in the DB/DR books. I think you are at the point in your sitch where you really could use some guidance in how to proceed.
Ah yes, the sense of smell, is very strong in affecting our memory banks. Of course I am NOT condoning anything you may do here with the bear…however, simply hugging the bear closely to your chest, while wearing your favorite fragrance should do the trick…okay, never mind…I never posted this….nope. I’ll deny it tooth and nail. But seriously we women are wusses for that. Okay, some of us are. It’s like being back in high school and borrowing your BFs football jersey, just so you could be close to him. Now of course plan B would be to take the Bear and do a Fatal Attraction “Boiling of the Bear”…sorry, my horoscope today is making me behave this way….
Actually Tim suggested letting the boys at it with scissors and glue. Hey, she said it was from her childhood, right? So if I "hug" the damned little thing with a fresh, heavy dose of my cologne, who cares, right? It would be really funny to see her struggle with asking me about it... Of course, she might get really pissed but again, she told me the truth, right? How was I to know she would care what the little demon smells like?
OK WAIT A MINUTE...I thought om gave her the bear...now if it came from her childhood and you destroy that little ole bear, this CaliGirl is gonna come and whip you into shape!! Tim back off with the scissors!!
Now you could of course still do the fragrance thing but you could say you were taking a nap with it and woke up and it was in your arms...
Ok, SHE says she found her childhood bear in the closet. Ok, um, the thing looks brand new, and the tag seems to have a date of 9/05 on it. Sure, could it be true, yea but... So, back to the scissors, glue and Hugo Boss...
Quote: One thing that struck me, and I still don't really know why, is after going over Valentines day and some of the warming up that my W has been doing lately, the C asked me "So, is she seeing the OM less?" It took me by surprise because most people would ask if she stopped seeing the OM.
Why is it that I always read something like this AFTER I make the mistake of bringing the subject up with my W? As usual, my inability to accept some things as they are is getting in the way. There are days, like this morning, where I feel that anything less than total isolation from the OM is essential....once again, focusing on the negative. I guess rather than getting down on myself to hard, or before any of you do, I should at least point out that I didn't talk the issue to death. But the fact that I brought it up with her does bother me.
Can I just say that "this sucks!"
Now back to our regularly scheduled postings.....
"Achieve success, but without vanity; Achieve success, but without aggression; Achieve success, but without gain; Achieve success, but without force." Lao Tzu
) and how positive she thought that was. We also talked about my need to learn how to transition this friendship we are building into something with romance and sexuality. More reading...