I agree that GAL is about not being needy, dependent, obsessed with the WAS. It is about being emotionally stable on your own and confident of your success in life w/ or w/o WAS. Going out may help, or it may not. Certainly, you can GAL while not going out partying or playing bridge, lol. It simply requires making plans, having goals, living a life not contingent on the WAS for happiness.
In the respect you describe GAL, I have been doing that since this started. I really like the way your put it. It's kinda like when NYS gave me his definition of detachment. Watershed moment. Thanks you two.
Envision what a happy healthy life with you and your kids would be without W. Know that it can be a reality. It is not your first choice right now. But, it is a real possibility and an option. What is your choice right now is to aim for a different future, one that includes your W. But, until you know the alternative is real, that choice to aim for a future with W won't feel like the FREE choice that it really is.
Sound advice OT...that was something that my therapist and I discussed. She asked me what my biggest fear was and at the time it was that he was not going to come home and life as I had known it was over. She then asked me if I hadn't already faced my worst fear...and she was right. I had. I had also survived it. When I removed myself from it and dropped the rope was when I finally saw things, him, the R for what it was and that there was no way that I was going back there. I made the choice, my decision. I am good with it. It is something that I can live with.
I think half the reason it is so hard to acknowledge that there are possibilities beyond the current M is that we are afraid that if we admit this we will no longer want the current M. And, a lot of this fear is like I suggested GH's W has to do with leaving OM in the dust. What does it say about HER if she can do so? What does it say about US if we don't live and die by our M? But, this is operating from fear, not honesty with self or freedom.
Thanx everyone that has posted on GH thread. It has been very insightful. I am going to hi-jack for a moment. My current sitch is as bad as I have seen it in that my W has said she wants a D! Right after she said it she said she was not sure. One thing I have done is wear my wedding ring and she is not. I personally believe it may be time to take it off and give it to her and say I will put it on again as soon as you are ready to wear yours? Any input?
Tim
my story http://www.divorcebusting.com/ubbthreads/showflat.php?Cat=&Number=1049617&page=&view=&sb=5&o=&fpart=1&vc=1
What is the statement that you are trying to make here Tim? It almost appears as a tit for tat to me when first reading it. You do this, so I am doing that. Doesn't appear to be DB in nature, but that's just my opinion. If you feel compelled to take off the ring, that is your right, but handing it over to her? Why not just put it away if you must take it off and then see if she notices on her own. Chances are that she would. Women tend to notice these things. Trust me.
If she has asked for a D, then let her pursue it on her own without your assistance.
One thing I have done is wear my wedding ring and she is not. I personally believe it may be time to take it off and give it to her and say I will put it on again as soon as you are ready to wear yours?
She's not wearing hers, because that's where her head's at. If she's divorced minded, the wearing of your ring can look like you're hanging on. But the bottom line is, whether to wear your ring or not should be your choice, not hers.
The wearing of the ring is not an issue. It's a superficial issue, seemingly meaningful because of its symbolism. But wearing or not wearing a ring does not a relationship heal. Therefore, it's far more significant to place your focus on all the other issues that far outweigh the matter of wearing a ring, rather than turning that matter into an issue.
