Quote: (1) If it is less clothes at bedtime, that is a HUGE indicator of increased trust and intimacy, probably even more than you think. I really don't think that she would do that unless she has decided firmly upon being with you.
Yes, I agree. This is HUGE for her. Of course it only lasted a few nights, but it was enough. Trust me, it was enough...lol. I really hope it is a sign of her comfort.
Quote: (2) By all appearances, you started pursuing her again. You initiate the physical touch the majority of the time and the flirting. There is a fine line here. If you can add this dynamic BECAUSE you are detached without expectations and simply enjoy her company, that is probably fine. But, if you are doing it out of neediness for a response, that is different.
I am not looking for a response really. I am just expressing my feelings in a normal, adult male way with respect and genuine flirtyness. I have not done that in the past and she seems to be enjoying it.
Quote: (3) How do you step away from the old-R? Quit believing that you need it. What you want is a new R that works for both of you. Good for you for recognizing that this isn't automatic even if she comes back. And, always remember that you and kids can have a wonderful life without her. It just isn't what you want. And, I think you have a good chance of getting your current wants met.
I know we can go on without her and be good. I know that. As for getting my current wants met, well, I may have to schedule a trip to vegas...lol.
Quote: 4) No matter how much growth you have done, what started the A is there to some significant degree. First, you have not changed the patterns BETWEEN the two of you in a husband-wife relationship that contributed to the A. You can't do this until you are in a H-W R and they haven't magically disappeared. Second, when you talk about addiction, you aren't too far off.
I agree that the dynamic needs to change, and I think that's what is happening even though we are not fully H & W right now. We are building a foundation that will serve us if/when we do recommit.
Quote: BTW, the flirtatiousness, etc, that you are able to engage in now that doesn't hurt because it isn't needy is probably all about you, lol. That's a good thing. It is probably available to you as a way to interact because you feel so much better about yourself. And, see how much more fun and attractive that makes you because of the increased confidence?
It is ALL about me. I am just so comfortable with myself right now and more than ever I feel confident in expressing that. Again, it has been well received so far!
Quote: But look, if you can't see another way to live because of your kids, then you need to figure one out.
I'm not too sure about this one so I will answer the way I think you mean; I am saying I DO live a life outside my R and the little time I have, I want to spend it with my kids and eventually my W. My having a life has never been the problem and it's not one now.
Thank you SO much for the posts today. It really helps a lot. Post early and often.
