P.S. Here's a carrot. If you can really step away from the old-R as much as she has and give her real freedom, it might not take her that long to get it -- the it being that she really does love you and wants to spend her life with you (hopefully, NO guarantees). How long did it take you to get it when you got the bomb???? It is not the facts around the bomb that lead to those feelings, it is the severance of the relationship -- feeling your life without her in it as your W. She has no similar experience to give her that kind of insight. This doesn't require cruelty, or cheating, or abandonment. It simply requires you also stepping out of the old R that she already left.
If she says anything, just tell her that you want to respect both of you by giving you each the space you need to figure out what you each want. That it is not healthy for you to stay in an old R that she has left. That any future H-W R between the two of you, or any other R (friendship, co-parents, strangers) that may replace it, will need to be built with the honesty and trust of two people who know that each has chosen to be in that R with the other. Until the two of you decide to be in the same relationship together, you are respecting both of you as people with emotions and feelings by taking some space to develop your own life.
