I thought I would post some of the positive things going on right now to balance some of my anxiety.
-My W seems much more animated around me. Our conversations are once again filled with laughter. -I spend more time downstairs on purpose, and she seems to like that. -There is more physical contact, albeit most of it initiated by me (which has always been the case in our R). She asks for back rubs and also likes me to rub her legs at night -I am much more confident around her and make decisions quickly and without hesitation, a major 180 for me. I used to be so concerned about what SHE might want to do, I would basically try to guess it and say that instead of just making the choice I wanted to make. -We are starting to banter lightly about $ex again. I am careful not to get sophomoric about it. She smiles a lot during these little exchanges. -She seems to care what I think about the A or lack thereof, stopping just short of telling me it's over. -This trip to Ireland that can't help but recharge us. We have not been on a trip alone in over 8 years!!!!! -She is calling me much more during the day for no real reason. This is the time she used to be with him almost every day. Dunno if it's significant but for a woman who didn't do that much before, the calls are nice. -The Valentines card she gave me where she said she still loves me. I know it's probably what she felt she had to do, but it still felt a little good. Kinda like the warmth a single match gives off in the Arctic. -I am in great shape. I have a new wardrobe, and she's noticed.
That's all I can think of right now. There are more, and there is a list of negatives, but I am going to let those go for now. I still think the next bomb could be dropped at any moment. For now though, I am content to keep growing and developing my ability to generate my own happiness and peace. If the day comes where she tells me something devastating, maybe I will be in a better place to hear it. When the day comes to build our new marriage, I am no doubt in a MUCH better place to do THAT.
