In the event that my W moves beyond OM, I don't think it will be with any great fanfare and she will likely NOT want to talk about it.
I totally agree with that. My W is a true conflict avoider, which will make it hard for her to break things off with him, and harder still to talk about it with me because she will think I won't take it well. I just need some kind of closure, or at least a jumping off point to say "ok, now we are ready to work on US again." If she won't ever confirm or deny that the OM is gone, how can I do that? I guess the real question is how do we "close" the marriage again and go back to the state of being where it's NOT ok to cheat without them committing to the OM being gone? It's a tough question and one that will likely not have a neat and clean answer for either of us. We just need to realize that DB extends beyond this point. I used to think it was just a set of tools designed to get us TO this point of our W's thinking about us again, but now I see that we need to continue to practice DB to maintain through this transition. I think we are in a perilous place right now and reacting from impatience or emotion will get us in trouble. Keep the faith.
