I've read the books, and have always been attentive to her needs for the most part. The strain in the relationship started with a dream goal of one of our teenagers that didn't pan out the way all of us hoped for. My W put so much effort and emotion into helping the d achieve this that it was just as much her own dream being lived through her child. Of course I was playing part of "coach" and the W was doing the nurturing and we stepped on each others toes. Saying anything to the d was like attacking the wife, we had the same goal as our child, but getting there was different. So, in order to keep from being hurt anymore, she had to shut down her heart to me and I didn't know that that had happened. At that point, there wasn't much I could do because I was blind to the fact and didn't know how to reach her. When I tried to ask what was wrong, all I got was "nothing" as an answer. After a few months of this, along with the d off to college, I was not emotionally there for her largely because she would not let me. I was just as hurt as she was and had I confided in a close lady friend, I would have had an EA also. I can't help but feel responsible for all this because I was not there emotionally when I should have been, if only I were more persistent at reaching her before the EA started. Now I have this empty feeling deep within that I can't make go away. I don't know if I am healing properly. I think the W comes across as being so independent and "with it" that she doesn't need support, but now I know that just the opposite is true. She has also closed her sister out of her life. I see the internal struggles she is dealing with and am trying to be patient with her, but yet at the same time I am lonely and miss the W I knew. It seems to be a battle trying to put her needs first and finding ways to heal myself and stay whole. Why won't she put her heart and soul in writing on a piece of paper like I have?
