I agree with Lou. It is what I was trying to say on another thread, Lou said it better.
But I was the wife. Now, my dear H didn't do all the things that you are doing...as he is not a pleaser type personality...I am. But he did it in his own way to get my attention...the fallout has been difficult...but nonetheless...I FINALLY did hear what he was trying to say. It took me "layers of an onion" time to understand or accept the various points he was trying to make.
Your case is way more extreme in that you sound like you bend over backwards to do nice things for her...Geesh!
I do agree with your premise to do you to your enemy...all the way. I respect that you are coming from that place and agree with it...Lou said it well and said it in a balanced way.
You can still do that..but make some changes so you don't enable her to continue to take advantage of you. Ditto's and Amen to what Lou said.
I was the wife...I was, to a degree, where you wife is...so I can speak from that side of it.
