Re: HappyGiant "But I say unto you which hear, Love your enemies, do good to them which hate you, Bless them that curse you, and pray for them which despitefully use you." This type of thinking just gets my goat HG. It reeks of encouraging you to be a doormat.
How about thinking along the lines of doing good to your spouse because it is the right thing to do but don't let your spouse get away with things that hurt you.
The 10 hours of sleep. BTDT at times. If your W won't go to C, you need to. You also need to quit doing some things that most people here on the forum would consider excessive.
The more you do those excessive things, the more respect you will lose. BTDT too. doing those excessive things also will make you more resentfull. BTDT three.
I used to think if I was extra nice to my W/BB she would appreciate my efforts. Right and Wrong. I used to cook a lot, trouble is BB cooked a little different and the way I cooked only brought up those "BB would say, "when I cook this , I do it this way. Me cooking was just another way thing we did not agree on sometimes. Other times me cooking was a plus for the relationship.
BTW, BB is retired and I work, so this is a different situation than you are in.
I just wanted to say, sometimes the more you do for some people, the deeper and faster you dig your own hole that you have to climb out of some day.
Don't neglect your kids.
In the mean time, figure out what are core issues and deal breakers. Work on those (only 1 or 2 at first) and expect some movement from your W. Typical movements include 2 steps foward and 1 to 3 steps backwards.
What ever you do, do it in a spirit of hope and kindness. Yes, real kindness can feel like it is hurting someone at first.
Some kids don't want to go to school but you know if you let them stay home very often and think you are saving them some pain, they will only have a bigger problem several years later.
If your W won't go to C right now, insist she work on her problems in some form, maybe books or a self-help group.
