Hi, Happy Giant, I haven't posted for a while, but I wanted to respond to your post. I, like you, felt that I was busting my butt doing everything for W and why didn't she respond with the nookie that she knew I wanted? It got so bad that at the end of last year, I wrote her letter which, while not stating the word "divorce" clearly implied that that was where I thought we were headed.
Since then, things have gotten better. Not that the frequency is great (twice this year), but there is a lot more spontaneous laughter and silliness now than there was in the past. We stay up late and talk about our dreams (the ones we have while sleeping) and spirituality and past and future lives. We spent all day Sunday happily organizing our files, a task that normally leads to angry confrontations by about 1:30 PM. I'm not saying it has been easy. Once, while I was making my "moves" on W in the bed, she said, "After 15 years you still don't know what I like. That's part of the reason you don't get much sex." Now, could you have gone on after that? Well we did, with her pushing my hands and other parts around as if I were a manequin in a store window. She hated to do it, but I'll never forget.
My point? I don't have one, but I would say this: my W will not as a rule tell me what I should do to please her; and when I do please her, she is not going to jump into my arms and start humping me. No, but she may smile and she may talk a little more often and a little more pleasantly. Second, and others have already said this, it is not a good idea to do something with the express intent of leading to sex, but if you do, don't be disappointed with her if it does not in fact lead to sex. I enjoy sleeping with my W, but she enjoys sleeping with our kids (5 and 7). If I do sleep with her, I do not feel let down (much any way) if we don't have sex. Because I really like sleeping with her and that is pleasure enough by itself. I have in the past argued that we should go to MC, but she took it to mean that I wanted someone to tell her that she should have sex with me. I still think that we should go to MC, but I will have to convince her that my motives, if not exactly pure, are at least more subtle and complex than she thinks.
Anyway, I know that what my W wants from me more than anything else on Valentine's Day is for me to be home for dinner. So it's home I'm headed.
