Quote: Plus, one of her big arguments with me is that she feels I am not honest with her about my day to day needs. I have needs and urges, but I make an assumption that she will not fulfill them as well as fearing rejection, so I don't ever ask for things, until I am at the "crucial state" where horomones are so wound up I don't sleep well. She feels like I am not even giving her the opportunity to take care of me. Instead I assume that she wont want to do anything, so I don't bother asking. Granted, when I do ask, I typically get turned down, but if I don't ask, then I am being dishonest with her. So I am trying to work on this . . .
HappyGiant,
I know you asked only the LD women, but I had to respond to this. Why in the world would YOU have to "work at this," when this is clearly a bizarre behavior in HER??
Also wanted to say that I used to do all these same sorts of things on Valentine's Days (and anniversaries, too), with similar results, and just finally stopped doing them. My wife has made Valentine's Day totally about the children, and not about romance, much less sex, so I've just learned to accept that. Today, she just called me to tell me she'd been "running around all day," and making hand-dipped strawberries for the kids, buying them each a very thoughtful (but smallish) gift, and she's making chicken parmesan for them tonite even though she and I are going out to dinner.
I will no doubt get a card from her, although many years she'll say "oh -- and I have a card for you somewhere; I've been so busy, I didn't get a chance to sign it", and perhaps a small gift like a mixed 6-pack of my favorite micro-brews and a box of chocolate. I have sent her a dozen yellow roses, sans romantic note (just a simple "Happy Valentine's Day"), bought her a bottle of nice Syrah with a few little chocolates, and will take her to dinner. The card will be nice, but not overly romantic, and I've added a funny one this year that I couldn't resist.
The the days of me making her a CD (including lyrics and liner notes) of all of "our" songs, inviting her to a romantic cruise on the sailboat where we first met, leaving little notes on her windshield and filling her car with balloons while she's at class, etc., etc., are over.
She just never appreciated them.
If you don't mind doing this things, and you just enjoy doing it because that's who you are, I guess you should keep doing it. I could not.
Chocolateeyes, who thinks he's got a GREAT "Valentine's Day" name
