Thanks for all the comments! I appreciate the feedback. As expected I am getting some of both sides of the coin, which currently matched my mental state. I still am not sure if I should hold off and scale back or proceed forward as planned.
A few comments... A few have suggested I just hold back, not do anything on the sexual side of things, and that maybe by not bringing it up, it will make my wife actually want it more. Although that is a fantastic thought, I know it not to be true in my situation. My wife has established on a regualr basis that she will under no circumstance initiate any kind of sexual activity. She considers that to be my job as a husband. If I want something, then I need to ask for it, otherwise... it's not going to happen. So I can guarantee that if I don't do something, then I wont get anything in return. In 8 years of marriage, she has yet to initiate once. That is why I am working on a way to initiate, but a little more subtly and with the kids up and around, so she knows what I am thinking, but it's not like an "I WANT IT NOW!" kind of thing. Plus, what's the worst thing she can say? NO. Then I am no better off than if I do nothing.
Plus, one of her big arguments with me is that she feels I am not honest with her about my day to day needs. I have needs and urges, but I make an assumption that she will not fulfill them as well as fearing rejection, so I don't ever ask for things, until I am at the "crucial state" where horomones are so wound up I don't sleep well. She feels like I am not even giving her the opportunity to take care of me. Instead I assume that she wont want to do anything, so I don't bother asking. Granted, when I do ask, I typically get turned down, but if I don't ask, then I am being dishonest with her. So I am trying to work on this, and if I don't do anything on Valentines Day of all days, than she could get suspicious and go back to the "I'm not communicating" argument.
Chances are, that this will all solve itself naturally. Very typically, if she can sense that I am getting in the mood for romance, her body will automatically go into shutdown, sick mode. It seems to be the way she responds to this type of thing. She knows that I never want to be a jerk and that I try to be considerate of her feelings. She has learned that if she comes home sick, I will immediately leave her totally alone in the intimacy department. I can't hit on a person with the stomach flu.. how messed up is that! She has learned this well, and IMO takes advantage of this VERY well. I can guaranty that on days like Christmas Eve, New Years Eve, etc. She will be down sick the entire day. As I have mentioned in other threads, there are some things way down deep inside of her that she does not want coming out. That is why she refuses under any condition to see a counselor, for fear that some of this stuff may come out. Other posters have equated this to an 800 pound gorilla sitting in the room that she is choosing to ignore and work around, rather than face and get rid of it. I think the decreasing health issues are her body also wrestling with it, tryng to make it go away and it just wont. I have never met a person that is as sick as much as my wife is. Every day it is massive migraine headdaches, throwing out her back, or the stomach flu, throwing up constantly, diareaha, etc. But all her doctors can find nothing wrong. They do tests and tests and she is normal, medically speaking. So to me, it is all part of the mental agaony of trying to make the gorilla go away. Until she can confront this thing, she will continue to stay sick.
Typically, if something ever does happen in the bedroom, it is when I can manage to pull off somekind of surprise, and there is no time for her body to react. But if she knows it is coming, I can guaranty she'll come home from work tonight with the biggest migraine, or throwing up like mad. Becasue then, instead of thinking she may have to have sex, she knows I will immediately switch gears, let her go to bed early, offer to stay up with the kids, bring her drinks as needed and give her the night to herself.
I tend to have a lot of these holiday setups canceled for sickness, I am used to that. But I have to still try, just for my own sanity. I'd feel like a terrible husband if I didn't do anything cool.
So, I'll be curious as to what will happen tonight...
