it's ok to have a bad honey, just don't let your mind wonder away too much that you are setting up excuses for you to have an A of your own, they dont' "just happen", the person allows it to happen when they see they are going down a path of destruction and willingly keep on going downhill. That just can not be you, YOU are stronger than that, don't you forget that, you are much better than ow, don't you even for a second wonder about lowering yourself that way.
I know you are depressed, and we all here have to allow ourselves a little pity party, but remember, dont' trust every feeling/thought you have right now and think that's how it's going to be from now on.
Funny thing is, it is my H who had the A who now always says he can't trust anyone, since he's seen how much he's messed up he can't believe in anyone now. It took me a while to begin to trust my M, I'm by no means saying I trust him 100, but I have a base, and I know it will take time and BOTH of us to commit to work on our M to trust each other more.
I too have had my weeks in which I rehash and disect every little piece of info about the ow, when the cow prob has forgotten all about my H long ago and here I am, suffering from self-inflicted wounds. They arent worth our time hon, remember, they ops are just desperate patches for miserable souls.
Quote: not to hurt me again, but I cannot trust he will be there for me in a crisis
Of course by now we've learned that nothing is guaranteed, as we've all seen and felt, so don't punish yourself w/these thoughts, what counts is what you give, that you love as if you haven't been hurt, that you give your all into the M and know that no matter what happens you will always have the knowledge that you fought for your M and that you were true to your vows.
We can only change us; when my H came back he told me if the sitches were reversed he couldnt' forgive me, will he be there for me in a crisis? I hope so, and if he isn't, I have learned enough through the hell of separation and limbo to know that I will be alright, with or without him.
I pray tomorrow brings you a better day, that you decide to be happy for the day no matter what. Now go shopping, Macy's has an awesome sale, and there is nothing like new stuff to lift the spirits
Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2
30something 2kids survivor of S, MLC, A, D I have peace in my heart, at last.
