I don't know why, but lately I find myself wondering if I will ever be able to really trust my H again. For that matter, I don't know if I will ever trust anyone ever again--I never really was the trusting type to begin with.
Is it really possible to regain trust? Or, will we forever have a wall around us to keep us safe? I love my H and want to be with him, but I'm finding that the trust I gave him to allow us to start to rebuild things, is now gone.
I had mostly banished the ow from my thoughts. But, now, I find myself constantly thinking of her and of all the rotten things my H has done to me, starting with not being there for me when I was depressed. And I think not only can I not trust my H not to hurt me again, but I cannot trust he will be there for me in a crisis. And, I don't trust that I will not someday have an A of my own.
Grrrr. I guess I'm just having a bad day and just need to vent a little.
