On Sunday I realized it had been a month since I told my H his time was up and despite wanting to see him I told him there was no point in him coming over if he wasn't coming home. We had a long talk about how we were waiting for one of us to get brave--for me, brave enough to move on and let go, and for him, brave enough to come home and try again. At the end of the day I guess I realized he wasn't going to come home. I cried so hard that night that when I woke up my eyes were still puffy.
Then, yesterday, I decided that I had to make all my decisions as if he didn't exist. I let my landlord know I would renew my lease until the spring, which would give me just enough time to find out if I get into grad school.
After that I wrote my H an e-mail and told him that I've long felt that while I was making plans for our future, his plans have never included me and that I was letting him go and moving on.
He called as soon as he read the e-mail and asked if we could talk later that night. I told him maybe but that I was going to a salsa dancing class. While I was out he called and he sounded so sad so I ended up going over to his apartment.
Now, here's the kicker . . .
Last night he started reading DB because "you were gone for good."
Hmm, very weird to think he was going to use the book to get me back. I guess I will just have to wait and see where this rabbit hole takes us.
