I guess in some ways he has been better about doing little things I know he doesn't want to do. Over the weekend we twice went on walks when I knew they were only halfhearted.
But I am having a very, very hard time getting over my H taking the ow to the wedding. He told me that she thought it would be a chance for them to patch things up. As it appeared my H had no plans to do this, and I thought we were reconciling, I just cannot wrap my head around why he took her and I am left feeling hurt, confused and really, really angry.
I guess I can only hope that these emotions will simmer down with time, but right now, they are certainly an obstacle.
And I can't help having the feeling that I should not be spending so much time with him if he cannot commit to our M, or at least wearing our rings. For that matter I don't know why I shouldn't move out of the area if he isn't going to give me anything to believe he's serious about putting our M back together.
For as long as I can remember I've wanted to live in many different places before finally settling somewhere. Our first stop was to have been Washington, DC, followed by a couple other places in the south and west and then back to my home state of New York.
He originally agreed to this plan but now he suggests that it is living like a hobo and no way to have a career and won't leave DC. I hate living in this area and would be willing to live almost anywhere. And, to be honest as a journalist, moving from paper to paper is a way to build a career. If he cannot commit in some meaningful way I think I may be ready to just up and move away.
