So after spending the second half of yesterday wallowing in self pity I actually feel much better today. Tired of course, but better.
Cat, Petite, PL, thanks for you words of support. It really means a lot.
I am not sure what I am going to do next in terms of things with my H. He called early this morning to let me know he still wants to get together and talk later today. I think I'm going to try and just listen to what he has to say.
As much as I want to hibernate, I don't think that is the answer. Whatever happens between my H and I has to come to a resolution soon. I don't have any more time to wait for him.
I think this whole episode just caught me off guard. My H had been showing really no signs of the ow still being a force in his life. He calls me almost every day and we have been spending a night or two together each week. Also, we had been in discussions about when he would be moving back in. Not if, mind you, but when.
So to find that he took her to the wedding and is still calling her on a regular basis really was not something I was prepared to have to face.
And, for what it's worth, I really have spent the summer GAL. I took a metal sculpture class; I've redecorated much of our apartment; and I started a part-time job. I was hoping to take a grad class but I really can't afford it if my H doesn't move back in which is another thing that pisses me off.
PL, I think my H hit pretty close to bottom while he was traveling on a month-long business trip back in May. He told me that when he was feeling lonely and lost and short of money the person he thought of was me.
Just before he left for the trip was really a turning point for us. I finally decided that I would be OK without him and brought him divorce papers for him to sign. He, of course, refused to sign them even though he had been pushing for a D. Since he has been back our R has really been improving by leaps and bounds--I can see he has returned to being the man I fell in love with and I think I am back to being the woman he first loved.
So I guess that's what really sucks. I can see he wants to put our M together but he just keeps putting obstacles in the way.
Would I fall in love with him if I met him now? . . . I'm not sure if I can answer that question. My H and I have really grown together over the past nine years so it's hard to know who I would be without him if that makes any sense. I think we both have taught each other a lot and opened each other's eyes to experiences we wouldn't otherwise have had.
In many ways he isn't my type and I probably am not his type. But I do know that when I first met him, just being around him made me happy (and this still holds true.) When I see him across the room my heart still jumps and we can't help but smile a goofy smile at each other.
We never had an opportunity to date like normal couples. As he is a Brit at the end of his six-month visa we pretty much had to decide if we were going to be in it for the long haul. Either we made a serious commitment or we didn't see each other at all (nobody used the Internet then.)
