Hi SS, I am just catching up on your sitch. I am sorry, it is so dissapointing when they just don't do the right thing, and we give them chance after chance, and it keeps looking so good, and then, they make a bad decision again, and again... So, yes. Hibernate, detach yourself. Take a trip, go out with friends, process this until you are done, done, done with the expectations you had for him. And don't see H in the mean time. Just give yourself a chance to do some healing. Your H is messed up in the head right now. He can not be counted on, and he can not be trusted. You have to take care of you now. That is it. I am sorry to say this, but from reading your posts, I think you were pushing too hard, going too fast. Your H wasn't ready, isn't ready, to come home. He has to hit a bottom, get the skunk he really is, and then choose to live a different life - beg you to reconsider ('cause you are way far away by then, having a great life without him) and believe somewhere deep inside of himself that he deserves to be loved. And YOU, need to do the work to realize that you deserve to be loved, better than what H is providing right now. It's no good if he comes home right now. You are still in charge and what needs to happen instead, is H needs to become a leader, and be the H you want because he wants to be that. He may have been good at faking it, but he didn't have his heart in it yet. He was just trying to do what you wanted, or what he was supposed to do - someone else's idea of the "right" thing to do. Back way off now. Do some stuff for yourself. Let H be begging to talk to you before you have contact. Say you're thinking things through. Make him sweat. If you're not his priority, be your own priority and make H wish he was on your list. You have been way in there, for a while. Do the 180 now - get scarce. Take care of you. Get strong, regroup. Decide what you want. Make a list of what you want. Does it describe H? Don't settle for less. H must step up to the plate. He knows what you're made of. He just needs to figure out if he's worthy, if he's up to it. Maybe he's just too comfortable being "weak" and not taking responsibility. If that's the case, this will happen again and again. My father was like this, sorry to say. His dad was a WAS, and then my father was a WAS twice. No kidding, he never got it. Let H figure it out, or let him have the OW. Just let go, detach, take care of you.
Easier said than done, I know. But that's my two cents.
PositivelyListening ************************************** When one door of happiness closes, another one opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us. - Helen Keller
