OK, so tomorrow my H and I are going to the beach and I am so friggin excited. (That's me doing a little dance.)
Since we've been together we've hardly ever gone on any vacations that didn't involve family or friends. We're only going to stay for one night, but it will be just us.
To top it off, I can say I am definitely falling in love with my H again--not that I ever stopped loving him. I'm talking about the sappy crap you go through when you first start to fall for someone. I think he feels the same but is just being very cautious. The funny thing is, when we first started dating he told me pretty much immediately he loved me and wanted to marry me but I took a long time just to say ILY.
My H and I had a wonderful time together at the beach even though it rained and we didn't even get to so much as put our toes in the water.
His friend's wedding came up and he mentioned that he had charged a flight to our credit card. I got a little upset over the fact that he doesn't want me to go but I guess it makes sense as the cost of the ticket was about $900 and we don't exactly have tons of money to be throwing around. I told him the reason I wanted to go is because it was an important event in his life and I feel like we've missed a lot of them in the past two years. He said it is more important we take care of us.
I asked what he had told people about us and he said with the exception of the close friend whose wedding my H is in, he has told no one.
There is a part of me that is upset that my H has been so open about both ow with his family and friends but not so with me. When we first got together he was quiet about us too. I've decided it is because our R is more important and he wants to protect it from scrutiny.
But, even though I'm very disappointed to not go to the wedding, my H has finally acknowledged we are on a path toward reconciliation. After we got back from the beach he ended up staying Saturday night at our place. We were discussing the fact that our computer is getting old and that it would be nice if I could get a laptop.
H: I'm going to try to give you more money this month. M: Well, there is one way we could have a lot more money. H: I thought after your lease runs out you could find a place for both of us. M: I don't want another lease. If you moved back in in September we could save money and pay off our bills and then buy a place together.
In the end we agreed that it is something to discuss more later and neither of us pushed. But, frankly, I'm just really happy to hear he plans for us to be living together in the near future. The lease on our place is up at the end of October.
Yesterday I called a magazine my H gets to tell them not to give out our name to find he had just recently changed the address.
Then today we while we were talking on the phone I let my frustration get the better of me. At the end of the month it will have been a year since he had his ring on and I'm really not sure how I'm going to feel if we reach that date and he is still ringless.
He wants a little more time and I kinda feel like he should buck up and make a decision. I know I've said this before and each time I get to this point my H always finds a way to stall for more time.
This weekend my H and I are going to a wedding. After that, I kinda feel like I shouldn't have any contact with him until after he gets back from his friend's wedding in England two weeks later. At that point I want an answer as to whether we are staying together or we are moving our separate ways.
Refusing to make a decision, hanging out with your friends like you are still a bachelor, and fitting your W in when you want to is just plain selfish.
We had a good time at my friend's wedding. My H went even though he didn't really want to. He said he felt awkward when people asked us where we lived. I told him they didn't ask him where he slept and that he "lived" with me.
The issue of when he will move back home is still up in the air though he has acknowledged that perhaps he will soon come to stay with me on weekends and stay at his apartment during the week. I've said this is unacceptable.
When I drove him home this morning he asked me how the weekend was. If I had an OK time. I said yes, but it's not enough.
I keep trying to explain to him that moving back in does not mean everything is hunky dory or that things are suddenly fixed. But, I kinda feel like we can't really move forward until we are living together and he is willing to let people know we are back together by wearing our rings.
So it's starting to look like my H is going to come home very soon.
I'm excited but also wanting to make as smooth a transition as possible for us. I'm open to advice here. Should I have him move everything back at once or should we phase it in?
Also, once he moves home I expect us to start wearing our rings again. Do we just pop them back on as if nothing happened or have some sort of little vow renewal?
Don't ask him to do anything that pressures him. If he's interested in doing a vow renewal, then I think it would be great. A couple I know who dealt with an EA on the wife's part and a porn problem on the husband's part had a vow renewal and second honeymoon and both said they celebrate their "new" anniversary much more than the old one.
The LORD is near to all who call on him, to all who call on him in truth." (Psalm 145:18)
My H went away to his friend's wedding and I have only received one pitiful text from him since. I wanted to drop him off at the airport but he gave me some story as to why I shouldn't--so early, and his boss is on same flight and can give him a ride. He also has refused to give me his flight details. But, as I was usually the one who bought our tickets in the past it was not that hard for me to log into Expedia and find his flight.
Now I should mention that this is a flight to London and with everything going on I have been very worried. He promised he would give me a call before he left for the airport as he wouldn't be allowed to have any carryon items including his cell phone. He also promised a call as soon as he arrived. I received neither call.
I am mad enough about not going to this wedding but I am deeply suspicious that he has taken ow with him. I looked at our cell phone records and he is has continued to call her on a regular basis. The way things have been between us I find it so hard to believe that they have continued contact and I must say I'm pissed as he!!.
So I guess I have to wait and see if they are both at the airport on Sunday and go from there. I almost hope they are and then I can move on from this stupid game.
He was supposed to be moving back in very soon and quite honestly I don't want him to move back in if he is still seeing the ow. Frankly, I'm tired of sharing.
I'm starting to really think that our M is not ever going to work again. I don't know how I will ever be able to trust him. He told me before he left on his flight that with me asking questions was pushing too much. I guess I kinda feel--too damn bad. You're a grown man and you have a responsibility to let those who love you know you're OK.
Unfortunately, I don't think my H will ever grow up and I'm tired of playing mommy to a spoiled brat.
oh honey, I'm so sorry)))))) I pray that things arent' as they seem, has he mentioned that they were still in contact? did he tell you if he still wants to be friends w/her. I sure hope it's something else. For whatever it's worth, most of the time my H doens't tell me if he'll be late coming home, he just thinks on his end that there is nothing to report so he won't call me, could be that. Hugs))))))))))))
Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2
30something 2kids survivor of S, MLC, A, D I have peace in my heart, at last.
Fasten your seat belts. He!! hath no fury like a woman scorned.
My H did indeed take the ow with him to his friend's wedding. As I sat in the airport yesterday waiting for my H's plane to arrive I kept hoping that my fears were just that, and that she would not be there.
When I spotted them, my H sent her on ahead and tried to tell me that it was just some woman who he met on the plane. For a moment, I thought I had made a terrible mistake but eventually I forced him to admit that it was the ow.
So of course I could not miss the opportunity to tell her what a b!t@h I think she is. She tried to run away but couldn't as she had all her bags. I followed her through the airport lashing out every mean thing I could think to say. (And believe me, there were some pretty low blows.) She didn't actually start crying but I'm pretty sure she did as soon as my H and I were gone.
To be honest, I don't feel at all bad and was really happy when I realized that one really personal attack I made appeared to hit her deep. Maybe she was in shock, but, considering she's a Harvard-trained lawyer, I expected a better defense from her.
Instead, all she did was say that my marital problems had nothing to do with her. I replied, "No, you're just fu@@ing my husband. Did you think it was OK to f@*k someone else's husband?"
While this was going on, my H made only one feeble attempt to get me to stop screaming at her. My H later admitted a part of him knew I was going to be at the airport and was glad because this would force a decision from him.
Initially I was just really mad, and I think even though I cried a bit as I drove my H home from the airport I think those were mainly tears of frustration and anger as well. I asked him what it was she offered him that he didn't get from me and he said there's nothing she gives that I don't and that he couldn't stop loving me and that he thinks about me all the time.
I guess it's a measure of my progress, and my H's too, that after about a half hour from the run-in with the ow, I was mostly calmed down and my H acknowledged that my response was justifiable considering the circumstances. I then told him that she deserved everything I said to her as she knew he was married when she got involved with him. I said I hoped bad things happened to her and that I was not a bad person for feeling that way. My H said he didn't think I was a bad person either.
And, in the end, it was me who spent the night at my H's place, not her. He initially didn't want me to, but there was no way I was going to give him the opportunity to be by himself and to call her.
As we left things this morning, my H and I are going to talk on Tuesday. I made it very clear to him that he is out of time and must make a decision. If he wants to be with me he must end things with the ow immediately and move back in with me by the end of the month.
I think that's enough to digest for now. I'll post more later.
(That's me doing a little dance.)
