Yesterday I found out that my younger sister is officially D. It makes me sad and mad at the same time. They have only been separated for six months, which seems way too fast considering they have a 3-year-old.

Anyway, my H continues to make slow progress. He either calls or texts me on a daily basis. Unfortunately I hate that while he contacts me, I can't call him and expect he will answer--I still have to let him chase me for a while.

I also am finding that whatever time we spend together, I am jealous of the time he spends with others. If we are together at night I get mad that he spent time with friends before seeing me. If I see him in the afternoon, I get mad that he's going out after he sees me. Of course I'm not expressing this anger around him, but I feel it nonetheless.

So I guess we're just seeing how things go. I think he was feeling like I was expecting some sort of big R talk until I told him that we didn't really have anything to talk about. I told him that if we were going to work things out we should just start spending more time together. And, I said, I didn't want to spend each time we were together talking. I want to be able to have fun together. He thanked me for not wanting a R talk.

That said, I did suggest that he write me a letter about what is going on in his head (even if it is a letter he doesn't give to me.) All this time, I've been pouring my heart out and writing him letters and he has been allowed to remain silent. This was not true in the beginning of our R and I think this will have to change if we are ever to really repair our M. I think too often I gave him a pass and let him keep his feelings to himself. He's agreed that a letter is a good idea. But, to tell you the truth, I'm kinda scared to find out what is going on inside his head.


SuperStressed