And I guess I feel like these boards have become more about getting to a point in your life where you can move on without your spouse. I don't want to get to that point. I want to get my H back.
SS, I agree with you on this. I want to call people on their stuff so much of the time here. I am as guilty as anyone in focusing on the "self improvment" aspects of this process, but didn't we all come here to save our M's? I get frustrated when people seem to make doing that a distant secondary goal to "being ok" with ourselves. I think it's a bit (or a lot) dishonest to say that. I think it's closer to the truth, at least for me anyway, to say that while trying to save my marriage, I have realized that I have grown emensely and want that process to continue no matter what happens. I WILL grow from this point forward, I can't help it, but my main, conscious goal is to see if I can save my marriage. The tricky thing is having that as your goal and not being consumed by it so that you can't fully implement the personal changes you need to make to do it. Paradox.
Me personally, I guess I have the luxery of having my W still live with me so I get that face time you are looking for and I always find it harder to comment on people's sitches where there is physical separation.
I just wanted to say I understand how you feel and agree to a certain point. I do think that down deep, past all the DB dogma that gets slung around here, most of us can admit to wanting, first and foemost, to save our M's, and many of us can credit DBing to helping with that. There are many who cannot, and unlike you, they just go away. Thankfully you didn't, and we can still learn from you, and you us.
I think you are at a point that many, if not all of us get to where you have to make an independant decision to either totally derail the DB process and go another direction, or start integrating other tactics in with DB. I know that's what I started doing a few weeks ago.
I just hope that whatever you do, you do it with the passion and energy I have seen you bring to your life so far. I hope you find a way that works for you, and then visit us and share so we can learn from you. I have faith that you can do it!
