Feeling very melancholy this morning. Spent most of last night in bed. I am just dreading the receipt of the D papers. Not only b/c i had hoped this wouldn't happen, but it means that i have to get a lawyer and respond to his claims. And i just don't feel emotionally ready to do that. And i hoping that this doesn't turn into a battle. I have spent most of the past 2 years, being quiet, and not challenging my H at all. But, i don't think that i can let this go. I can't believe that he would say such horrible things about me. For one, he is always telling me how wonderful and sweet i am and what a good person i am. Two, he has told me numerous times over the past several months how he had gotten past all of that stuff that had brought us to counseling - he has said that we were on a path to recovery, and even said that last year he was thinking of having us renew our vows. And three, if i am sooo cruel, then how can he tell me how much he misses me and ML to me. I know that i shouldn't listen to what he says, etc. And i can't attach my own meaning to what he says and does. But, if thats the case, then how the hell am i supposed to know what to do? I want to continue to have hope for us, but i don't know if i am being stupid. The whole thing is so confusing. Sometimes i don't know if i am coming or going. I'm not looking forward to this weekend...our first open house is on Sunday. I don't think that our house will be on the market for long. And i am just having such a hard time with all of this. I have no idea where my H is planning on living. And i just don't want this. I am so tired. I just wish i could go to sleep and wake up and have everything be done, whatever the resolution is going to be. I am not sure how much more of this i can take. And, i must say, i think it is kind of funny that my H tells me not to obsess over the D papers...what? What does he think i was going to do? Unbelievable.
