were there any periods of less contact, and if so how did you deal with them as compared to the other times, when your H was more responsive?
Good question. My separation has been different than other people's, i think, for a few reasons. One, when we first separated, it was something that we had agreed on in MC. And the terms of the "therapeutic separation" were that we would continue MC and go on weekly dates. We did this and talked regularly. After about 6 weeks of separation, my H decided that he didn't want to be without me, so we really started to work on the M, with the intention of reconciling. There were some things that happened that became obstacles, but we worked through them and continued on our road to recovery. We reconciled last May, but it lasted about a week, before my H moved out. Even after that, we had regular contact, although he was very angry with me for "forcing" him to leave. After 2 1/2 months, he moved home and i moved out again. And we went back to our weekly dating (no MC though), although we also saw a mediator. We did this for about 2 months before my H said he couldn't "do this anymore" and that we "needed" to get D. Things were tense b/w us for the next 2 months, but we still had almost daily contact. In November, after we signed our separation agreement, i felt that things changed between us...there was much less tension and the wall wasn't there anymore. We saw each other more as well. All the while though, we have had almost daily contact. I don't think we have ever gone more than 4 or 5 days without talking. So, our contact since this whole nightmare started has been pretty consistent. Recently, my H and i didn't talk for 2 days, and he called me at work to find out if i was still alive...like it bothered him that i hadn't called him. It was probably in October, after getting DR, that i decreased the frequency of the calls i made to my H. I keep a log of our daily contacts (yes, a little nutty, but i needed to keep track of our progress) - and i can honestly say that 95% of our contacts have been initiated by him. I get the usual call of "just checking in." And then, probably every other week, i get a late night phone call b/c he doesn't feel well, or can't sleep, or is upset.
Given all of the contact that we have, it has been difficult for me to come to grips with the fact that we were getting D. Two weeks ago he was telling me how there is still a big part of him that wants to be with me. So, he is confusing, to say the least.
Sorry, that was kind of a long-winded answer to your question.
RE: getting together - i am pretty flexible, so you let me know what would be easier for you with your daughter. And also, where you would want to meet. I must admit, i know very little about Hudson County. Maybe there is someplace in the middle? Let me know.
