Hey Flutter- Thanks for your feedback. I would absolutely love to hang out one day or night...lets try to plan it.
My H did call me yesterday afternoon and left me a message, informing me that i might be getting the papers in the mail. He called me last night about 11p, but i didn't hear my phone ring - i must have been dead asleep (took a Xanax). So, i called him this morning on my way to work. He is in Florida right now - i don't think ow is there, or if she is, she's in a different room. Anyway, i told him that i hadn't gotten them and asked him why he didn't tell me when we saw each other on Thursday that he had filed. He said it was b/c he didn't know when the papers would be filed and that he had gotten a message yesterday telling him they had been filed. I told him that i had thought that he was maybe going to wait until May when we were separated 18 months and he said we could talk about that. I asked him what he put as the grounds for D and he told me extreme cruelty. At that point, i started to cry. He told me there really weren't many other options - i told him i guess aside from no-fault, this was the only other thing that was really appropriate. He said "you have to put everything down." I didn't respond to that...just gonna wait until i get my copy. Then, he tells me, "look, don't obsess over it." To that, i kind of laughed. He said, "never mind, scratch that." Overall, it was a pleasant conversation. He apologized that this was happening. I told him that i was sorry too, but that i didn't think he believed me - he said he knew i was sorry, but couldn't change what happened. So, that was about it. He wasn't feeling well (thinks he has the flu - serves him right), so he didn't think he would make it to many of the meetings today, and to call him if i wanted to talk more.
I did feel better after talking to him. And i am hoping that he is agreeable to changing the grounds for D. I am not looking forward to having a fight about that, as well as deciding if i am going to file a counter-claim - i really didn't want it to get very messy and nasty.
Flutter - there is a part of me that knows that i have to take more of a stand and stop being his safety net. He knows that when he needs me, i am there - all the time. And when he can't find me, or if i am not acting how i usually do, it sends him into a tailspin. I know that it would be healthier for me to limit the contact that we have, but it is so hard b/c we still do have this connection that is undeniable. And he is my best friend.
I read Dobson's book - its very good, says a lot of the same things as DR. The Dobson letter you are referring to might be an example of a letter in the book (you might not have gotten to that part yet). The letter is basically an "LRT" letter. I have thought about writing one to my H, but i don't think i would be able to stick to it - i'm too weak.
Anyway, i am going to try to let go of the language that was in the papers, for now at least. I can't do anything about it until i get my copy anyway. And i am going to stop attaching my meaning to my H's actions - it really isn't healthy. I have to believe that he did love me, and maybe still does. It is terribly painful, but focusing on things that may not even be true is not helpful.
Thanks again for your feedback. I think you said you are in Jersey City - i am in Bergen County, so we aren't far from each other. Perhaps we can figure out some place to meet, even if its just for coffee or something. Let me know.
