So sorry for your sitch....it is so painful for any of us to be here, but to see the end result in the wings is another.
Perhaps you shouldn't be looking at the impending D as necessarily an end of everything. Of course you're questioning everything at this point, but like you said, you are attaching your own meaning to it. Yes, there was a time when he loved you and possibly still does. The point is, that isn't where he is right at this particular moment. Does that mean he never will be? No. Does this mean the end? Again, no.
I know its hard to put a positive spin on these things, but don't accept that it is the finality that it is suggested to be. Keep working on bettering yourself, become a better person. You've stuck through so much, you deserve it.
"Achieve success, but without vanity; Achieve success, but without aggression; Achieve success, but without gain; Achieve success, but without force." Lao Tzu
