You're right GH - he never told me that he would cheat on me and want to D me. So, this shouldn't surprise me. The thing is, and i do have a very hard time with this, if he can be so deceitful about this, what else has he deceived me about? And then i start wondering if he ever loved me. He will tell me that i was the love of his life. And there are times now when he does act like he cares for me - going to the doctor with me, making sure that i eat. So, its hard to put those things together. I don't want to believe that he never loved me or cared about me. I know NYS would tell me that i am attaching my own meaning, and that him not loving me is not a fact, but rather something that i have imagined in my head. It is just so hard, b/c he will say and do things that indicate that maybe he is confused and ambivalent about D. And then this. I feel so stupid. And naive. How could i not have seen it? Why did i let myself get caught up in the man that i married? I just don't understand this...i probably never will. The fact is that I don't want to get D. Why doesn't that matter?
