I feel awful this morning. I feel so stupid for believing all the kind things my H has been saying to me for weeks and months. How could he do this? I just don't understand it. I feel like everything he has said to me has been a lie, that he was trying to lull me into complacency before hitting me with this. I just don't understand it. And i can't believe that he really thinks i am going to agree to the D based on what he has written. I just wish he had at least told me he was seeing a lawyer. We have had 2 R talks over the past few weeks, both seeming to be after he saw the lawyer. Why not bring it up at either of those times? When we were talking about selling the house, my H made a comment about maybe it was time to put an end to this purgatory we have been in. But, he certainly didn't sound like he had already started that process. In fact, he even said that night that there is still a big part of him that wants to work this out, as he stood there crying, with tears streaming down his face. I have such a hard time understanding how he can say and do nice things, and then do this. Maybe he is a sociopath. Doesn't make me feel any better. I mean, lets just think about his statement "i wished i never wasted a minute with you." How can he say that, and feel that, and yet think i am this horribly, cruel person? If the situation were reversed, i would never say those things about him. We went to a mediator in an effort to keep this civil b/w us...guess that went right out the window. I just feel like everything has been a lie. And i can't understand how someone that is supposed to love you could do something like this. It hurts...really bad.
