I too am dumbfounded and truly saddened by this news. I am so sorry.
It's funny, I just had a thought, not a unique one, but it is to me. Doesn't all this seem so complicated to us? We thing about all these things, read all this stuff, learn about ourselves, understand so much about the complexity of life and our M, and really search our souls to find the strength and love to carry on. Meanwhile, to our WAS, it is so simply just a case of "I don't want to be there anymore." I think what we do when we DB is shift the scale. We bear SO much of the burden of thought/feeling about all this that when we DB/GAL/Detach, we make THEM start to take on some of the burden of contemplation. Does this make sense? Right now your H has been acting on his narrow view of things that was shaped by his wanting to get out. He had the luxury of focusing on what he thought would make him happy, while you were left behind to focus on what made you sad. By taking the advice to GAL and detach immediately, you are shifting the burden a bit, tipping the scales, making him really face the wider view of what his decision will mean. Also, of course, it will help you start to move on in the event he follows through with the process. Unfortunately you no longer get to base what you do on how he feels. You are now forced to consider the reality of what he is doing without some the hope you had, but that's not to say all hope is gone. There is still hope and you can take solace in the fact that he still interacts with you positively despite all this. You can take solace in it, but then move on. He is denying whatever feelings he has for you by filing so you MUST deny him the benefit of your positive reaction to whatever he tells you. I think you are a very strong, intelligent woman who will find the way to make this work for YOU. It is terrible and heartbreaking, but also, in time, it may be liberating and full of promise. I know it seems like that is impossible, but so too did the idea that the daily crying and pain of the initial bomb drop would ease up over time. This too will heal. Please take care of yourself and I will be thinking of you often.
