Hockey- You can try amazon for the book Surviving Infidelity. Right now, i can't think of who wrote it, but you'll find it if you search by the title.
You asked if there was something that i read that helped me with my ability to forgive. I've read a lot of books, in an effort to help myself through this ordeal. But, none of them really helped me with my decision to forgive my H. I think it is just the love i have for him, and the commitment that i have to my M. My feeling is that nobody is perfect and people make mistakes, even huge ones like having an A. And i think that everyone deserves a second chance. If a person is remorseful for what they have done, and are willing to work on the issues in their R, then i believe that forgiveness is possible.
When my H and I first separated over a year ago, i told my family - who were questioning this decision - that i would have no regrets when it came to saving my M. I didn't want to wake up one day down the road and regret anything. And so, here i sit, 15 months later. My family thinks i'm crazy for holding on, but they don't truly understand.
Forgiveness is a choice, and is not the same as forgetting. And that is an important difference. Forgiveness does not mean that one is excusing the behavior or condoning it. But, it is also not an easy thing to do. However, i feel that holding a grudge takes a lot more energy than forgiving does. And who has time to waste on being mad?
I haven't gotten a chance to catch up on your entire sitch, but i will try to do that today. If you haven't gotten Divorce Busting or Divorce Remedy, get one of them and read it. It is amazing. Search amazon for other books as well...there are a lot of great ones out there. Love must be tough by James Dobson is another good one.
If you are committed to working on your M, then you probably have a long road ahead of you. It took a long time to get you to this place and it will take just as long to fix it. You will find that your patience will be tested. But, fortitude is a must.
As i said, allow your W some time to work through this. There is a saying that i found on here that i think is so appropriate - i have it posted on my computer screen: "you cannot talk your way out of something you behaved yourself into." Actions speak louder than words. Give your W time, but make sure that you are behaving in a way that shows her how sorry you are and how precious she is to you.
