lmdi, I see from your post that you are in a similar mood to me right now, maybe it is the cold snowy weather. It is a sad, hopeless sorta night. However, I just read the reply that NYSurvivor posted to you saying that dbing is easy, and it struck me that it probably IS. I just think that maybe we (not to lump you in with me, but I see alot of my own sich in yours!!) are not actually DOING it yet. I worry about "letting go" as if it were a bad thing, but I am starting to think that it is what is needed in order for the dbing to work, in order for it to be valid. So far in my journey, all of the things I have done to try to save my M have been almost phony. I am TRYING to get him back, but pretending that I am NOT. This is what leads to all of the DB no-nos, the R talks and whatnot. I think until you actually detach (with love, as the books say, in fact I think i got that from a book called "Getting Back Together" which is pretty good), you are fighting a losing battle. I know this is easy to say and hard to do. I have not yet been successful in letting go at all. But I do think that it has to happen. Almost like, we have to let go of the Ms we had, b/c they are basically over, and focus on a fresh start, one in which if fate will have it, perhaps we can begin a NEW and more successful relationship with the men we love so dearly. In fact, I would like to even start accepting his R with OW for what it is - nothing special - and focus on winning him, not back, but over. Almost as if I were a whole new woman, stealing him from his crappy, shallow and obviously unfulfilling R!! Does this thought process make any sense to you? Cuz it sorta just hit me now. Maybe not thought out enough. It just seems like when faced with the OW vs a "stronger, no pressure / guilt, very similar to the way we met" version of their true loves, how could they ever choose the OW???? Let her be the one who has all of the negative attached to her (cuz the OW are probably seething with jealousy and insecurities about us, and would not be holding it in, that is for sure!!) And let us be the more attractive option. Any thoughts?!?!?
