Hope and flutter- Thanks for your posts on my old thread...hope you find me here....
Hope: I, too, have moments when i can't believe this is my life. I keep thinking that this wasn't supposed to happen. But, i guess we just never know what life will throw at us. It sucks nonetheless.
Flutter: i have thought about the sale of the house being like a beginning for us. We have only owned the house for just under 3 years. And we only lived there for a few months before we started having problems. So, there aren't a ton of great memories there. But, it still is our home. And it is hard to let go of that.
I am just so unsure of what to do next. At this point, it seems like nothing that i have done has worked. I am wondering if it just time to let go. All of this DBing is getting to be exhausting.
I keep trying to imagine my life without my H. I just can't. Its weird...like we are supposed to be together. I don't know if that makes sense.
I feel so disheartened right now, after what transpired Thursday night. But, then i think that a few days before that my H is calling me, calling me lovie and telling me he misses me. I just don't get it. I am so tired of questioning everything he says and does, and thinking that he has an ulterior motive for everything.
No contact from him today, but i think that it is a child free weekend. I was at my house from noon until 6p today...he was nowhere to be found. I imagine that he spent the night at her house and was with her all day. And will probably be snowed in there with her tonight. God, i could throw up. Maybe, if she was younger or cuter than me, it would be easier to understand. But, she's not. God, WTF is wrong with my H?
So, here i sit, on another Saturday night, watching Lifetime. How pathetic?!?
I keep hoping that i will wake up from this nightmare. I keep praying for God to help my H find his way back to me. I keep trying to understand why this is happening. I think that i have some idea. But, enough is enough already. I mean, how much torture can one person take?
Okay, well this post is all over the place. And very self-pitying...sorry.
