I don't know, I'm no expert. If you send the email, maybe just the first part: thanks for dinner, I enjoyed seeing you. Hope you will reconsider. --As far as it being your daughter's night and her wanting him to be there, maybe you should leave that up to her? I don't know about your H, but mine would view that as a bit of manipulation on my part, especially if our kids were actually old enough to know what's going on, have feelings and speak about it. Plus, you let him know you appreciate his participating in the dinner and had a good time, you let him know (in a subtle way) that you would like him to come to the confirmation. do you really need to say more? Just my (novice) two cents worth.
Glad to know I helped someone a little today! If only I could help myself. I hope I didn't sound harsh about your D. I'm sure she DOES want him there, and it IS important, and you want HIM to WANT to be there for her (I know, and my kids are only 3 and 1). I just know sometimes, how easy it is, to slip in those little 'digs' about the kids with the most well-meaning intentions, and maybe it works, but they'll probably be angry or resentful later for our making them feel guilty (when they already feel that way). I do hope he can get over himself enough to come to the confirmation; maybe your D is strong enough to tell him she wants/needs him there!
maybe your D is strong enough to tell him she wants/needs him there!
That's what I was going to say.....would D call her dad and say "please come"? You mentioned that your parents were coming. Will any of H's family be there?
Quote: maybe your D is strong enough to tell him she wants/needs him there!
That's what I was going to say.....would D call her dad and say "please come"? You mentioned that your parents were coming. Will any of H's family be there?
Thanks angstuff1 & Matilda,
D16 told me she already asked him and he said he wouldn't be able to make it. I asked D if H said why, and D said, "NO he just can't."
Yeah, you are correct, I want HIM to WANT to be there. It's not to make him feel guilty. I don't want him to miss something in her life that he can't go back and have a re-do on. If he misses it, it won't happen again.
Yes, my parents and mutual friends of H and I and people who live in our neighborhood are coming. I left it to H to invite his family, but of course, I can't say if he did or didn't. They all live about a 2 hr. drive away, and no one has called to ask directions to the church, so I assume they are not coming.
I am sure you all can figure out WHY H can't make it.....He can't face our neighbors and my parents and our friends.
Even if he doesn't realize it consciously, he feels so guilty about what he is doing. If he were so proud of himself, why not show up with his family in tow (and his whore) and boldly proclaim his right to be there?
Dust Be glad though that he doesn't show up with the bimbo and be proud- that would be worse!! These MLC teenagers are generally cowardly, selfish boys.
I agree with the note to H- definately thank him for the dinner- they love the compliments!! I find after a compliment my life goes smoother for a bit with STBXH.
I know you are feeling badly that he will miss this important event for your D- this is his guilt though not yours. Let him make his own mistakes, I know he isn't acting like an adult but he is one! I also get involved when the kid's feelings may be hurt, and it is just mothering my STBXH - which won't help either of us.
Hold your head high and know that you are handling yourself with dignity and continue to take the high road for you and your D- it does pay off in the long run!
You may contact me at denkogetsu@msn.com if you need to talk. We could meet at the beach, have some coffee or whatever and just chat. That would be good for both of us.
David
The fires of true love can never be quenched, because the source of its flame is God Himself! - Shulamith
I hope I didn't sound harsh about your D. I'm sure she DOES want him there, and it IS important, and you want HIM to WANT to be there for her (I know, and my kids are only 3 and 1). I just know sometimes, how easy it is, to slip in those little 'digs' about the kids with the most well-meaning intentions, and maybe it works, but they'll probably be angry or resentful later for our making them feel guilty (when they already feel that way). I do hope he can get over himself enough to come to the confirmation; maybe your D is strong enough to tell him she wants/needs him there! 
I find after a compliment my life goes smoother for a bit with STBXH. 