I finally feel guilty enough to post. I HAVE been busy. Probably nothing that you would consider constructive. As I posted already, H is away for a month for work....so I have nothing new to report, except H is acting like a a bad father....or should I say NOT acting like any kind of father, hence the new subject title of my thread.
I think it is both odd and rude that h hasn't been in contact with D15 since he left. It was 2 weeks on Sunday that he brought her home and said goodbye to both of us. I, of course, haven't heard from him....but I think it is very much bad parenting that he couldn't at least pick up the phone and call D15 and say hi.
We have stayed busy. And it is almost a relief that he is out of town.
No, I haven't completed the finanancials. This is my version of "dragging my feed" on the D. I am sure it is pissin H off....but do I care?
I am in a real pinch for money right now.....but I will get more as soon as I file the financials. D15 wants a sweet 16 party like those she sees on MTV. I told her not to hold her breath. Her birthday is in one month and I just don't know what to do.
She will be confirmed into the Catholic Church 4 days after her 16th birthday and H is already making noises about NOT being able to attend either her 16th birthday or her "church thing", as he puts it.
I am 100 percent sure that it has to do with H not wanting to face my parents, my friends, etc. who will be attending D15's confirmation.
I had a big "Mom" type decision to make this weekend....and really hesitated to make it without H's input.....but, I figured that H has made so many unilateral decisions without MY input these days that I was the only parent D15 had....so I went ahead and did it.
The decision was whether or not to let D15 ride alone in a car driven by a 17 yr old boy. In the past, we (h and I) have NOT let her ride in a car with a boy OR girl who has just gotten their license.
D15 asked on Friday and I said OK. It killed me because it was a Friday night, they were predicting rain....and it was St. Patrick's day (lots of drunk drivers out there).....
As it turned out, the boy ended up coming over to our house to watch a movie and never took her out in his car.....But I was pretty pleased with myself that I had thought it through and decided that SOMEONE has to be the parent here....and I could make that decision.
Now if H had given her that same permission without consulting me, I would have been furious. But I figure, H is NO parent and cannot make rational decisions.....so it was totally up to me.
It actually turned into a fun evening. D and her "friend" and myself and a few of my GFs made fast work of a huge crockpot of corned beef, cabbage, potatoes, carrots.....with cheesecake for dessert. It was my first experience of D15 having a boy for dinner.....and it really wasn't as uncomfortable as I thought it would be.
The previous weekend, D15 was stage manager for her school's big musical extravaganza. She did a wonderful job and got called out on stage and presented with roses. Of course, I was in the audience, so proud.
I have 10 more days of freedom from H, since he won't return from his trip til April 1. (appropriate day for fools)!
I will get those financials done if it kills me. Everytime I think I am close to estimating my expenses, the price of gas goes up and I have to refigure. (Back and forth 5 days a week to D15's school is exactly 100 miles). I think I'll just use the $3/gal. estimate and hope it doesn't go higher than that.
Big hug to everyone who's checked up on me. I appreciate it so much. I will try to be better about updating.
Good job making the parenting decision- H probably wouldn't call you back if you called to ask him anyways!
Wow- dating kids! That thought scares me- and doing alone sounds even scarier to me. I do miss the backup parent- not that he did much but to not feel so alone with the kids!
He is being a jerk not calling his D- but so typical!
My H was the same way - couldn't face my family. But he does attend the stuff that isn't at my moms. Maybe tell your H- for your D it would be nice for you to go to the birthday and "church thing".
It is easier when they are away- don't have to be hurt by them as much- kind of forget all of it more!
Glad to hear you are working on the financials- eventually you will get sick of doing it and just finish- the expenses will keep changing but it is ok as long as you have a good estimate- ideally a high estimate!
What does D15 say about her father not calling? Would it make a difference if SHE asked him to come to her party or to the confirmation? Just wondering.
Ok you guys, I finally feel guilty enough to post. I HAVE been busy. Probably nothing that you would consider constructive. As I posted already, H is away for a month for work....so I have nothing new to report.
ALTHOUGH......I think it is both odd and rude that he hasn't been in contact with D15 since he left. It was 4 weeks on Sunday that he brought her home and said goodbye to both of us. I, of course, haven't heard from him....but I think it is very much bad parenting that he couldn't at least pick up the phone and call D15 and say hi. I know he is back in town in his condo.....but he is being soooo selfish now.....Of course, I will use this against him in the child support issue. He says he has D15 20 percent of the time. There is NO way he has her even 5 percent of the time.
No, I haven't completed the finanancials. This is my version of "dragging my feed" on the D. I am sure it is pissin H off....but do I care? I found out from my L that we have a court date on May 3. I need to finish my narrative and the financials so L and I can go over them prior to going to court. I really, really, wish it wouldn't have come to this...but I have NO say in the matter.
I am in a real pinch for money right now.....but I will get more as soon as we go to court. This will really piss off H. D15 wants a sweet 16 party like those she sees on MTV. I told her not to hold her breath. Her birthday is in three weeks and I just don't know what to do.
She will be confirmed into the Catholic Church 4 days after her 16th birthday and H is already making noises about NOT being able to attend either her 16th birthday or her "church thing", as he puts it.
I am 100 percent sure that is has to do with H not wanting to face my parents, my friends, etc. who will be attending D15's confirmation.
I had a big "Mom" type decision to make a few weekends ago....and really hesitated to make it without H's input.....but, I figured that H has made so many unilateral decisions without MY input these days that I was the only parent D15 had....so I went ahead and did it.
The decision was whether or not to let D15 ride alone in a car driven by a 17 yr old boy. In the past, we (h and I) have NOT let her ride in a car with a boy OR girl who has just gotten their license.
D15 asked on Friday and I said OK. It killed me because it was a Friday night, they were predicting rain....and it was St. Patrick's day (lots of drunk drivers out there).....
As it turned out, the boy that I told her she could ride with ended up coming over to our house to watch a movie and never took her out in his car.....But I was pretty pleased with myself that I had thought it through and decided that SOMEONE has to be the parent here....and I could make that decision.
Now if H had given her that same permission without consulting me, I would have been furious. But I figure, H is NO parent and cannot make rational decisions.....so it was totally up to me.
She is invited to a friend's sweet 16 party this Friday. It is at a coutry club a few towns away. (yes, I could just kill the parents who give their girls these hoity toity parties)....but she has invited this 17yr old with the car to be her date.
Party is from 6-11pm. She wants to ride with him in his car. I don't want to let her. My compromised thinking is that I will let him pick her up and take her at 6 p.m. Then, I will pick her up at 11 p.m. and boy can drive himself home. I think they are just a bit safer driving while it is light out, but NOT at 11 p.m. when people are leaving happy hours, etc.
What do you all think of this compromise?
I am also thinking of calling H and asking how his one month road trip went. But I haven't anything to ask after that. I just don't care what he is doing. I am not even sure his L has told him about our May 3 court date. I sure won't be the one to tell him. Let him go to court unprepared. Serves him right.
Well, that's about all for now. I still get up enough energy to read your threads....just not enough motivation to type my own. Thanks so much for caring about me. Honestly, it really does make me feel loved.
I am off now....to visit my vet friend whose yellow lab gave birth (over a 36 hr exhausting time frame) to 6 beautiful pups. We lost 2 due to the cord being wrapped around the neck, but the rest are about a lb. each and very robust nursers.
Glad to see you back! Puppies- now that will cheer up anyone!
I had to get my interrogatories done in 30 days!!! I think I live in the wrong state or maybe just that I married the wrong H!!
I am not posting much either- fear I depress all these hopeful people too much- as I feel it is over and some days just can't wait til it is over.
I like the compromise with your D- she gets a little and so do you- and she won't be late if you pick her up!
I found that my L was much quicker with the info. to me and H was clueless days longer- so I stopped assuming he knew the same things as me and I also started shutting my mouth. Good plan to not help him in any way!! I wonder if it is the lawyers though- or the MLCer who isn't available for phone calls being too busy with their own pursuits?
How is your D doing with no calls from her Dad?? When the STBXH isn't considerate to the kids that is when I get the most angry- seems to be the same for you. Do the best you can as a mom and try not to worry about what he does- you can't control it!!
Dust, glad to know you're still alive. You sound like you have made wise decisions for your D15. Scary with the thought of them driving,older boys, etc,etc. My D15 needs to build up some trust again. How is your D think of the driving plan? Matilda
