Well I have been over at Infedilty...If you guys are interested I have attached my links...Have a drink because they are comical...
WAW left a few months ago...needed some time...committed to MC for 5 sessions but we quit after 2 because she was unwilling to quit OM.
So that brings us to today...I have filed and W and my negotiations started today. Ouch...that sucked.
she wants to leave me all the debt and the bills of a two income household and jsut walk away and start over...I don't think so. I told her today that she was going to have to pay me $900 per month for one year for a carpayment and Insurance. She flipped out on me.
Then...I said and if you choose to fight me on this, My L wants to have a deposition where we will call co-workers, friends and family for find out timeline of affair...all under oath...you see W has kept A quiet from all family, friends and co-workers and she has been justifying to all that I'm this bad person...she would totally be busted and her Rep is very important to her...
Can I say that she went balistic...I thought she was going to jump through the phone at me...she said some really hurtfull things...so of course she said why couldn't I be a stand up guy and walk away...come on...she lies and cheats on me, takes birth controll pills behind my back and I need to be a stand up guy and suffer some more financially...sorry
So I can't say that I wish I was in here with all of you, but I am accepting it and trying to move on...and I do really appreciate that you all are here in this room with me and I'm really sorry that any of us are here.
I'm sorry you had to move over here, from Infidelity. I know you need to do this and move on, and I am offering all my support to you. You sure don't deserve this, but I admire you for knowing exactly what you needed to do and following through on it. Strength, my friend.
She's gonna go ballistic more and more as this goes on; stand firm and protect yourself. I hope it goes as smoothly as possible.
Good luck.
Most of us really marry only once. First love endures, even unto our dying day. And we never really divorce.
I was worried that W was going to be served yesterday (Valentines Day) but fortunatley was not...I don't know why I care...but that would have been low even how angry I am at her.
She did send me a TM in the afternoon "Thank u for the note"...I mailed her a note (not a V-Day card)that said...
"I have not given you a gift that has been from the heart since I had my dad's ring made for you. This is a gift to you for you...It is not meant to save us or our M. This Therapist is amazing and he truly coach's how to cope with the feelings regarding people, marriages and Divorce. He is in high demand and does not take Insurance. I wanted to pay for a couple of sessions for you to experience him (He's like Dr. Phil)...If you enjoy him and want to continue, we can discuss options later. I really feel you won't regret it." Take Care, Vince
I also enclosed two checks made out to Therapist (initial visit and second appt) and the therapist Biz card.
So, this was the first contact by either of us in a week and she must have texted me as soon as she got it in the mail (which I think is interesting)...maybe she thought is was a nice thought, which is all it was...The the only love that I felt in doing it was the love that I would have for a friend that was going through a tough time in their life. Who knows if she will take advantage of the offer...If she does, I really think he could help her sort out her thoughts...she is really a mess inside her heart and head right now, and detaching and letting go is really helping me deal with the pain. V-Day was actually a lot better than I thought is was going to be.
Sorry you find yourself here. I applaud your stand on giving up the OM. I don't think it's very common on here that one of us initiates the divorce. More often, we accept the infidelity and try to win them back. I certainly don't frown upon your "tough love". It's probably indicated.
My suggestions: Try not to do too much out of anger. I can understand being angry, but I also think that it does more harm to you than to her. I recommend accepting it as something that happened, can't be undone, and can't be changed. Since you've taken the steps to divorce and are trying to let go, I think letting go of the anger at her is a step in that process. Take pride in being the better man. After she's served perhaps you could tell her that you forgive her for the choices that she made, this isn't about anger, and that it's about making the choices for yourself that you need to have a fulfilling life. It really is empowering to let that stuff go. I'm not saying forget...just forgive.
You didn't move over to surviving the big D so I'm presuming that you would consider reconciling if things went that way. So, I'd try not to completely burn all the bridges out of anger (and I'm not saying.."take all the debt")
Me
P.S. BTW, nice gesture on the therapist. Doubt she'll take it and from what I've heard and experienced, women prefer female therapists so might be influenced not to go for that reason alone. Good luck to you.
In the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years. Abraham Lincoln
It is hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed. Theodore Roosevelt
You didn't move over to surviving the big D so I'm presuming that you would consider reconciling if things went that way.
i would if she chose to have remorse for her actions, but she is not there yet...I do think she will eventually figure it out or she might not but I can't put my life on hold while she figures it out.
you could tell her that you forgive her for the choices that she made, this isn't about anger, and that it's about making the choices for yourself that you need to have a fulfilling life.
Very well said and exactly how I feel...I know my post earlier sounded like I was holding on to anger...I am really not...I feel like I am past it...I do have moments where I can't believe how she has f@#$@ up our life and am angry for a few minutes, but then it passes pretty quickly.
P.S. BTW, nice gesture on the therapist. Doubt she'll take it and from what I've heard and experienced, women prefer female therapists so might be influenced not to go for that reason alone.
I doubt it also...I figure I win either way...either she goes and gets some good out of it or I save a ton of $ by not having to pay for it but she knows that I showed a caring gesture. She had a woman C before and I really don't think she liked her...If she goes, I think that she is admitting she needs help and that is why I don't think she will go because WAW don't think they are wrong in their feelings.
Turns out W got served D papers last night (Valentine's Day)...oh but it gets better...turns out she was having a romantic dinner at her apt with OM when she was served...
I can only imagine the chaos in-town. One of my friends is married to one of the Texans and they have been going to parties all week.
I just read up on your sitch, and it sucks to see so many people going through the same stuff.
My STBXH sent papers to me for full custody and c/s on V-day. That was a SHOCK. Throughout this whole ordeal he has agreed to pay me c/s and I am primary custodial parent of the kids. Then that move.
He swore that he had no idea. whatever. he probably used it to get me to move more quickly to settle. As soon as he took that off the table [yesterday] I could move forward to settlement. Bah.
I did screw with him today though. I asked him that since we had finalized all of the terms for settlement and temporary orders would it be safe for me to go on a date. I didn't want him to pretend I was having an affair. He said he definitely wouldn't use it against me in court and the D is practically final minus the mandatory waiting period.
Then he had 20 questions about who it was with, where did I meet him, etc,etc. He said he really wasn't comfortable with it but he would have to get over it. [This from the man who slept with OW in my freakin house.]
Fun, fun, fun. [I don't actually have a date, just a boy that is being nice. I have told him that I am an emotional wreck and he should stay away, but you know how well men heed words like that, lol. I really don't see it going anywhere, I just find it nice to be lavished praise and attention after all of the trauma associated with the A.
Anyway, it was nice to see a teeny bit of jealousy in him. having him realize that I am GAL. I know he likes to think of me pining away for him.
Last edited by GratefulMama0204; 02/17/0607:34 PM.
